Here is a 2x4. Brace yourself. Kevin, you do not need anyone else to make you happy. You are the key to your happiness. It isn't your wife. It isn't your children. You are now putting your daughters in the position of being the people who keep you afloat when you feel like you are drowning in despair. STOP IT! As others have said, you need therapy. You need it bad and you need it NOW! Stop looking for others to complete you and make you feel better about yourself. All of the outings, your daughters being over, and your wife tossing you a civil bone every now and again are not going to ever make you feel better about yourself. YOU and only YOU control your happiness. LEARN IT....LIVE IT!
goingtofixME-Nice of you to prepare him for your 2x4 but it has all been said repeatedly before.
Kevin, I think this actually IS sinking in and it will just take time for you to live it. You're lucky that so many are willing to keep reminding you. It is like a muscle you have to exercise and build. There is no post that will make it change over night.
We all have to make big changes in our sitch. I think one of my problems is that I think my pain and my struggle is so unique to me and I hold on to my despair as if that makes me a better person somehow. BUT, there is no judge that is going to hand you an award for having tormented yourself the longest. WE KNOW. I'm telling you dude. I wanted to die. You get that? I really wanted to die. And still, I have to find a way to live with joy NOW.
I believe you are slowly getting it, maybe it is too slow for comfort for most of us watching but please get it through your skull that we KNOW.
And, I do think you need therapy (me too)...as a woman, reading your posts, honestly I'd be terrified to hook up with someone like you. I'm not saying this to be cruel and I do think you have so many wonderful qualities but to connect with someone who is so incapable of managing on his own would feel like such a trap. I'm telling you this so you can see clearly.
There is a book called "Joy" by Osho. It talks about being "alone" vs. being lonely. Love your alone time. Cultivate a whole person. Discover yourself. This IS your time. If you believe at all in spirituality or a purpose to this life, everything is exactly as it should be and you NEED this time to become a full grown man.
Just my two cents. Kudos to you for having the courage to continue expressing yourself honestly here. Sometimes I just want to run away from this boards and devolve into my worst self because it would be easier. You deserve respect for wanting to change as I know you do.
