he is back, i think

[lost-n-Iowa]

Hello, I have been away for the weekend working on GAL for myself so I finally got back to catch up on your stitch. I am so sorry to hear that things have taken a turn for the worse and so fast like this.

Though I can agree with the GAL and dropping the rope advice (which is good advice), I can also see why you did what you did by contacting the OW. YOU just had to know where you stood and where your H was standing. Correct me if I am wrong but did you say that she has been in contct with him since he has been home to you and has been feeding her lies again? If this is correct then what he is more than likely doing is trying to keep his options open. What he will realize too late is that by trying to keep some options open, this only closes other options too.

Give yourself a pat on the back girl!!! You have tried, you have done what you could. I can see that you are not ready to give up. I am not ready to give up in my M either even if my H was sexting with OW and visting porn sites. My H did what most people would consider unforgivable things to me and my M but I still love him and still have the dreams of happy endings. You have those dreams too and neither one of us wants to accept that our happy endings may not come true. (at least with this guy).

I don't really have much advise for you at this time except to refocus yourself. STOP focusing on him and what his needs are and focus on you and your son. What are some hobbies, interests, things you always wanted to do that you have either put down or put off that you can try to get involved in? What about volenteering? I always found that most people who volunteer learn many things about themselves during the process. I am a girl scout leader and volenteer. I never thought I would be THAT but I find such joy in it now. Find stuff to do that cost no money at all. Those are the best things to do in life. Start thinking of the things that you and your son can do that can be different and cost effective. He is a an age that you have so muchto still taech him. Think of those things, focus on those things.

Another quick piece of advice...don't get the family involved by telling them that things are going down hill. At least not yet. If your H moves through with the D then maybe do that. Why should you have to tell his family anyway? Why don't he tell his family what is going on if he wants to, it doesn't have to be your place to tell them does it? By not telling them and still doing the babysitting they will see that you have a heart of gold to still want to help them even if you knew that things weren't working out with you and your H. I found out by telling the family it eventually hurts you because they end up getting off the emotional roller coaster long before you do and then it is hard to talk to them. At least it happened that way for me.

You are strong, you are strong, YOU ARE STRONG!!!! Remember that!