@all I am pretty clear that my W ia conflicted and sitting on the fence right now. I see signs that she is working on the R herself. I am also aware that she could be silently planning an escape. For this reason, I know that some part of my fears are real and valid.
That being said, I can also clearly see that those fears are overblown and magnified. As I said, I am not really "afraid" of a D. I have looked at it, stared at it, and realized that I could handle it.
The deep painful part is the fear of rejection by a person upon whom I am emotionally dependent. This is what I need to break. It is what makes me crazy now when we are still together, it is a good part of the problem I brought into the R, and if we do D, it would be the biggest thing I have to overcome.
@FB2 I am not sure what you mean by "launch a massive preemptive strike on multiple fronts". Are you suggesting that I leave her before she gets a chance to leave me? Other than making sure I am prepared legally for the possible worst case, I am not sure what you mean.
@OrangeDog When I mentally put myself in a D situation (hypothetically imagining my self in that end result) then I find emotions similar to yours - sad, relieved that things are coming to some sort of closure, and even a bit excited about the possibilities that would be opening up.
These emotions, however are not particularly strong and aren't what is driving me right now.
The really strong emotions seem to be fears of emotions themselves - fear of being hurt by betrayal or abandonment.
I am trying to learn to "self-sooth through this so that I can stop being so reactive.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
