Newly separated...spouse left, 4th thread

[antlers]

Antlers wrote "I so much want to be strong, secure, powerful, assertive, and ambitious again."

You know what Antlers, your statment right here sums up all the feelings and thoughts I have right now. I have hit the 7 month point and it is wierd but the feelings of loss are not there anymore. Lots of struggles with the fact that this isn't where I wanted to be in my life at this point and that I have some rebuilding to do but no real feeling of loss.

But I am still not the person I once was and know I still have a lot of work to do. It's crazy. Just wanted to share with you that you have people that understand your feeling there and confindence that it will come back. It's funny ... if you get a chance check out my thread and look for the post by Astimegoeson.... page 5..... it helped a lot.

We went to a party last night and a get together with my neighbors on Friday... every day I feel my personality (my independent outgoing personallity) come back a little. 16 years of being devoted and putting family first changes you, being rejected by that person changes you, having all the blame projected on you changes you and dropping that rope and not worrying about that person who did all that really helps to get who you were back.

I am shooting for a mix. I want the carefree person back but I also enjoy being a dad and don't want to sacrifice the responsible father role model either. I think that is something my WAW did help me to understand... You can be a parent and still have a carefree fun.

I know you will get there too, and I hope you start to feel it soon?

Hi Kenn.

I hear ya' man! She's been out of our home for over 3 months now, and although I'm not overwhelmed by it anymore (sometimes it's really hard though), the feelings of loss...and the cause of it...are still there. And it bothers me...a lot! I struggle with the same thing you mention, and I'm doing the work.

I'm about a million miles away from being the way that I used to be. I just don't know if I'll ever get another chance with her. It makes me sad to think about that.

After spending nearly 2 decades with somebody, and then being rejected by them, and knowing that it was overwhelmingly my fault...well, it causes lots of emotions and feelings...mostly pain, disillusionment, disappointment, guilt, remorse, regret, etc.. I want to drop the rope, and I'm working at it...I don't want to worry about her or think about her anymore...but I need God's help. I keep asking!

I want to be a better father than I've ever been, but my kids are pretty screwed up right now. I want to be much stronger and more powerful and secure...mentally, physically, and spiritually.

I hope so too Kenn, and I hope I start to feel it soon. I'm not into pity party's anymore...I'm just genuinely sad and remorseful.