he is back, i think

[mdoodles]

thanks.

dont think i wanted to have contact with the ow. not at all. that is why i had blocked her numbers and not engaged her when she called repeatedly.

but u know what? after almost 3 years of this stuff, sometimes u need to do things that u dont want to do.

i let too much go, did plenty of detaching, did it all.

it sickened me to see how this all went down, how he came home, opened a business, left his job, only to let it all crumble in under 2 months.

and while it all crumbled for everyone involved, while he really didnt care how he came home to us and will leave again, his main concern was making sure he could lie his way back to her.

so i made the decision to tell her the truth.

she can do what she wants with it, but it made me feel better and that is what counts.

i dont want a divorce. or a separation.

but a person can only handle so much. i could not stand by while he returned to our home and life and continued to stay in contact with her, come and go as he pleased, treat me poorly and take money from me and my family to run our business.

i didnt know what else he was planning, for all i know he was manipulating another situation and would pick up and go and set up with her, and i would have been further in a hole.

so its done now.

i do not regret waiting for him and trying to work things out.

i did what i could. i tried to keep my family together, to protect my son from a life of a split family.

at some point in the future, sooner rather than later, he will absolutely soften to me, linger around me, and try to suck me back in.

i hope that i am strong enough to not fall for it.

i hope that i can override my heart on this one, because a part of me still wants him to come home with pizza.

but i cannot allow it. he caused so much harm to me, emotionally and financially, and it will never change until he sees his problems, sees what happened in our marriage, and chooses to work on it.

and he most likely will never do anything about himself.

i was once the pretty little stay-at-home wife, with the handsome husband and son, living a carefree life, youngest family in our ritzy neighborhood, money and love and fun and a close-knit family.

i will come out of this ok. living in this big house with my son while h was gone, really teaches u that a nice house and money means nothing when u are not happy.

but u know what, im only 30, i will move on.