You can't explain, rationalize, argue away any of her current behaviors.
When a woman is getting ready to have an affair or is currently having an affair, they have given up on you. The unfortunate thing is by the time this happens, you the LBS (left behind spouse) is willing to jump through hoops of fire to get her back.
You talk to her, listen to every word, analyze every reaction, walk on egg shells, etc.
She probably treats you with a bit of disrespect, she may be mean to you at certain times, give you a healthy dose of her attitude. She has a long scorecard of all the things you've done in the past, where you have failed as a husband and as a man.
You can jump through every hoop, you can perform every task she asks of you and you can try to talk to her the way you think she wants you to.
But it won't work.
You see, the mind set is that you are conquered, you're no longer a challenge, you're willing to jump out of a plane right now just to save your marriage and bring your wife back. That shows insecurity (huge turn-off), a lack of confidence, a lack of individuality, etc.
She can have you at any time since you are "conquered". So she doesn't have to work at it. She's pushing you away while you are trying to pull her in.
Limit your contact. If you have to, just explain to her that you're not willing to play games with her anymore.
If she wants to have an affair, she can have one.
I know, you're on divorce busting and you're trying to save your marriage but acting like a wimp & wuss who will jump through rings of fire to impress his wife and get her to love him again isn't going to do it.
She doesn't respect you, that's why she carries on this behavior and by continuing to have affairs with another man.
How can she respect someone who doesn't respect themselves?
No one can.
You need to take care of yourself. Be a great person for yourself first & foremost.
Respect yourself & love yourself above all others. Set boundaries for how people will treat you and the hardest part of all this: let go of the people that don't value you or your relationship together, let go of the people that aren't willing to do what it takes to save the relationship.
Let her go.
Letting her go will be the first step to getting her back if that's what you truly want.
You need to build up your self-esteem to the point where you can live a great life without her because you are an awesome person.
Right now she has a new toy and an old toy. The new toy is this guy she seeing on the side (calling, emailing, texting, whatever). The old toy is you.
She likes having both. It's a ego boost for her, it's alot of power she holds in her hands right now, it makes a person feel great to be in this position.
I don't envy you bro, it's an ugly position to be in but there is alot of personal growth potential on your part to be experienced because of this process if you do it right.
