How can I set boundries with her when in here mind the relationship is over? What can I use as a consequence for her actions? I don't want to be controling but I do see the need to set some sort of rules with consequence I do understand that, but how?
Red,
Assume you have a roommate, with whom you HAVE no relationship. Would you let them come and go at all hours?
There are reasonable boundaries irrespective of whether or not she is your wife, and those should come FIRST. But even then, you can set (and enforce) boundaries that are marital. But start with the above.
My wife came up very late absolutely ONCE during her affair. Because when she did, I had the house locked up tight, every single light inside and out OFF, and I was asleep in bed. And I let her know the next day that if she did it again, the alarm system would be on with its password reset, and she could deal with the cops when they showed up, and that I would not be disrespected like that in my own home.
