Welcome to the forum, and kudos to you for sticking your neck out. I hope you can be of some good to some folks who are really hurting.
You've chronicled here why I'm so aggressive in my advice for busting up affairs. I detest affairs, and I don't think much of the "Little Bo-Peep" approach (you know, "leave them alone, and they'll come home, wagging their tails behind them . . .") -- ESPECIALLY for MEN. Because not only does every month that the affair continues drain the marriage of additional finances, and contain continued medical risks, but it also begins to slowly emasculate what's left of the left-behind man's self-esteem.
For ANYONE, this is tough, but for men it carries its own particular type of damage.
My philosophy as I make my way around the Newcomers and Infidelity forums is to pretty much leave people alone if they seem like they're OKAY with their approach -- either it's working for them, or they are at least holding up well. But when I see it not working, and especially with men, and especially when their passive approach is eating away at what's left of their self-confidence, then I try to help.
Adultery is the ultimate confidence-killer for a man. I don't think any woman can ever fully understand that, just as I as a man can't fully understand what it's like to bear and give birth to a child. But it's eviscerating, and the sooner a man can bust his wife's affair -- I believe -- the better.
