sadly, it does sound like she has no respect for you; it sounds like she feels she has no options but to move forward and on.
this doesnt make it true... you know who you are, and you know your in this position right now partly bc of whats happened in your life, which is a terrible bomb going off... you have to try to do all you can right now to maintain your self respect and I do know, as one on the other side, how HARD THAT IS... I know you probably feel like a loser right now and a no hoper and I know you probably think shes right to not choose you, and i know you are at your lowest point in your life.
if you buy into that then your doing yourself a dis-service; none of that is true and its mostly bc of how your life has gone and it seems like one failure after another. I cannot tell you enough how important it is to be validated in who you are as a man and a person and to hold onto your self respect in all this. I know its hard and I know it ends up feeling like a competition you have failed at and I know it ends up you feel like just 'the parent' and 'the partner in the marriage' and thats all over now and shes moved on to 'greener better pastures.' perhaps she feels that, i dont know. but its NOT true and your a great man with a great future... you have to do all you can right now for YOURSELF.
i wont say "gal" because I actually hate that term and I hate seeing it on here and i actually think its really negative. its almost impossible to "gal" when you feel like your entire life is ending. such positive advice just makes you feel like even MORE of a complete loser. I STILL dont "gal" and I dont care either. I will 'gal' when I am good and ready and thats not when other people think so. right now you have to just SURVIVE and get thru all this with yourself intact. concentrate on that. concentrate on one foot in front of the other, til you can put your head up again and it might take some time. youve taken a beating; I think its time you relaxed some on your wife, and started really thinking about how you ARE. how ARE you. are you OK? are you ALRIGHT? are you COPING ok? are you EATING and taking care of yourself???? ARE YOU ALRIGHT?
a lot of people forget to ask men that. are you ALRIGHT? if your not then you need to pull back from her completely and please survive; theres no point in running yourself to death emotionally about this, if your falling apart. its not going to help your marriage. you have to try to get yourself together. you have to get yourself back on track, back to work, back in health, back to looking at the sun again.
if you have reached a really down point where you are so depressed you arent thinking of ANyTHING but her and your m, please STOP RIGHT NOW and start working on YOU right now. i cannot say this enough bc I ran myself ragged, and I know how horrible it is; you have to get back a semblence of yourself. you have to regain your identity and that doesnt mean 'getting a life' it means just deciding to LIVE and stop thinking of all this for a while until your ON TRACK. mostly that involves getting work (I had to do that to support my kids, I didnt have a job) being fit enough to GO to work, and to stop for a bit on everything just SUSPEND everything, until you know you are AT LEAST ok to go to work every day. its a crisis and its important, bc a lot of other people dont know you have reached it bc you act strong etc, but inside all you are doing is existing an thinking... not healthy.
Your wife will RESPECT you if you RESPECT yourself. see now i didnt with my h. i fell apart hardcore. one of my mistakes; we think it will make them feel for us but they dont. they're in another place. YOU have to take care of you, and YOU have to get it together, to regain your OWN self respect; then hers will follow or, if doesnt, you'l be strong enough to cope with that.
I really think right now... you cant follow any advice I think you are at the rock bottom where you have to bail and start on you. try again later on when your more together.
When you're down to nothing, God is up to something.
