I'm sorry for your pain. I know how you feel, as my wife had an affair two years ago, and there are still tons of "triggers" for me (like Thai food is for you). Whenever I see a beat-up mini Ford blue pick-up truck, my skin crawls. Whenever I drive past the department store parking lot, or the doctor's office parking lot, where they used to hook up in one of their cars, I feel nauseous. It sukks.
Let me ask you something right up front: is the affair over?
I'll also advise you this, and I've never seen anyone yet who disagrees with it: MOVE BACK INTO YOUR HOUSE -- INCLUDING YOUR MARITAL BED -- IMMEDIATELY. You did not have the affair, and you are not trying to end your marriage. If she has a problem with you being near her, then SHE can move out, but it sounds like you're the one that is having a hard time being close to her. If that's the case, you need to get over that, as -- among other things -- legally, what you are doing CAN be considered "abandonment" of your family. Have you talked to an atty yet? Preferably a good family law atty who specializes in "men's rights" and paternal custody issues.
But even aside from the legal aspect, you strike me as somewhat of a co-dependent, pleaser/"Mr. Nice Guy" type (it's easy for me to spot them, b/c I AM one ). If that's been the case, then your wife will react immediately to "180s" from you that demonstrate STRENGTH.
Take a read of FightingFit's thread, if you haven't already done so. It's there in black-and-white what you need to do. Also search for posts by a guy here named Gucci Loafer.
). If that's been the case, then your wife will react immediately to "180s" from you that demonstrate STRENGTH.