If it was adultery, then I'm not going to apologize for that -- she DID need to turn away from that.
I'm not asking you to apologize, I'm trying to get you to consider that the negative ways you think about your W might have an effect on your M, and even her behavior.
But that's not really what you're saying here. You're specifically saying that my telling my wife that I was here for her, but she needed to stop doing what she was doing, was "lording her affair over her," and that I was contradicting myself.
THAT was your point, and I dispute that.
I also dispute that my family has somehow not been forgiving and accepting of her just because of what my brother wrote in his book. Remember, this has been going on for two years since we reconciled, and the book just came out and she just learned of that paragraph THIS WEEK.
I do, however, concede that the PERCEPTION in my wife's mind is that I'm somehow morally superior, that she can't "measure up," and that my family will never accept her. And since it's true what they say that "Perception is Reality," those are, in fact, things that I have to deal with in trying to hold this marriage together.
In that vein, I asked her last week if it would help her to know that I also struggle with things, and that I have my own "issues." She immediately said "Yes!" and so I confessed something to her that I kinda told her about before, but it was years ago and I watered it down. I look at too much porn, and I told her that I feel that it may have specifically stopped me from being the sexual aggressor and being playful and fighting thru her "oh no, not now"s and might have played into the poor sexual dynamic that we've had. She thanked me for telling her.
