Your wife wants to keep in constant contact with you to keep her options open. I cant put it any more bluntly than that. If it all goes pear shaped later on, she hopes you'll be there for her. People in affairs are selfish.

Your wife thinks she is fooling you pretty well by being caring, and speaking with you, and interacting with you, an that maybe you'll hope and keep hoping, so she can keep you on a string. she also thinks you might not notice that its mostly fake

the drug of the OM is that he is everything you are not, and I do mean everything; picture a man completely the opposite of you, and I guarantee thats the OM. this is both positive and negative. MOST OM's aren't very strong men; they are an OM for a reason. remember, an OM (or an OW) is a person who is trying to take from someone else and not caring they are interefering in a family; that says something right there. a lot of OM's feel pride in taking a woman who is 'taken'. they feel quite manly being the one 'she runs to'. They fool themselves into thinking they are the ones who satsify her, on all levels. We, as the affair person, LET them think all this out of guilt (but mostly its untrue.)

Yr wife is with the OM bc hes free and happy and can give her all the attention she wants whenever she wants it, and she has ALL the control in the relationship. he is in full "courting" mode, full 'male chasing' mode. (this applies to ows). For him its become a bit of a challenge really and he loves feeling superior. its my opinion people that let themselves become OP's get ADDICTED to the ego inflation of being "the one" who can "make it right" and "do the right things". they dont understand the affair person is mostly in the glow of romantic love and lets them think that ... its not a realism.

The OM you are dealing with knows he has you for competition (even if you arent competing.) he will go all out and do everything to be "the better man". hes able to do this pretty easily right now bc they arent living together and neither person has to actually deal with REAL LIFE. He still sees her as a conquest and when the OP still sees you as the conquest, they are super romantic, super strong, super loving and super everything; easy to do in this mode - not so easy when real life intrudes.

Your wife probably feels a lot of shame in what she had done and is doing and she would be inflaming the OM by coming and going emotionally, ending it one day and falling into his arms the next. UNDERSTAND? this is the basis of their current relationship. DRAMA

and he wants to win... DRAMA

She wants to be a good person... DRAMA

basically break out the violins and cellos bc while the whole thing plays out, both parties are in fantasy land, he thinking shes torn and in a terrible place and he wants to 'save' your wife, he tells himself this every day to justify himself (applies to ows). you are a rotten person who doesnt know what hes got or how lucky you are, whereas OM does and would treat her right (more drama)and he keeps telling her this, and seeing as hes only getting one half of the story and the OM in the first place can we say B I A S E D. everyone likes to feel like an ANGEL and OM (and ow) tells themselves they are JUST THAT

meanwhile OM (or ow) doesnt realise the person in the affair is a selfish A HOLE who is taking full advantage of all this and ENJOYING all the attention from both men (or women) and sucking up the LOVE and just LOVING LIFE while being ever so entertained and diverted by the DRAMA of the whole thing, so much more exciting than REAL LIFE was, this is ADDICTIVE.

Sex is awesome bc sex is desperate and needy and grabbed and its different for the first time in years, and finally someone else sees how beautiful you are, when you havent heard that for years with sincerity, someone WANTS you, someone LUSTS AFTER YOU, and you cant remember feeling LUSTED after for an eon. its a DRUG. Even if hes not any better in bed than husband technically, emotionally, its EXPLOSIVE stuff. (i bet hes no better technically, years bring experience, but the emotions take over.)

EVEN WHEN THE AFFAIR MIGHT END, the emotional affair can continue, and the OM (or OW) welcomes this always hoping for a reconciliation bc they TOO became addicted to being needed all the time and the savior and they havent GIVEN UP on SAVING YOU. they think it MIGHT STILL HAPPEN after all you have so MUCH together.

In reality all the affair person has with the OM (or ow) is a lot of emotional crap that is mostly self indulgent and complete utter bulldust, bitter one sided views and news and a LOT OF LIES to make the OM (or OW) feel better about the whole thing.

When you're down to nothing, God is up to something.