I hate Thai food. Here's why. About 6 months ago, my W asked to go to dinner. Somewhere in the middle of curry chicken she drops the D bomb. Total blindsided. ILYBINILWY. It's been a roller coster ride ever since. She had been feeling distant for several months. During which time, I had suspicions of an EA or PA. I asked her a couple of times, which she denied.
After making the basic rookie mistakes, I jumped onto this board and did a 180. Helped more with kids, straightened out finances. It's been like changing the course of a cruise liner. I encouraged MC or IC, but she steadfasted said it was 'too late.' We went into a couple of sessions, but she had her guards up and the Counselors had a "do what you feel" vibe. No help.
About a month ago, I discovered a text message on her phone and used that to confront. That's when she admitted the PA. Total emotional earthquake. I tried to remain calm but I just couldn't bare to look at her, or even stay in the house. I have been staying with friends when I need to. She says it was a mistake, but right now she can't commit to total transparency or honest about what happened. Still vague on the details and said 'i'm sorry' once after being prodded.
I'm no saint. I acknowledge that I have some responsibility for creating this environment, but I have been a good person, father, and husband (i thought). I can't help but feel that I have given so much into this marriage, that I lost myself in the process and became quietly bitter. And that I have been an enabler of my W's worst insecurities.
Not sure what to do. Some days, I want to continue to fight to keep it together. Other days, I think it's time to go roam the earth solo (but still being a great dad). Nothing is certain now. I do know that whatever the path, I will get stronger - either with our without her. And the other certainty is that my kids come first no matter what. Other than that, life is torture right now. I'm never eating Thai food again.
Me: 42 W: 40 D11, D9, S7, S2 Married 12 yrs D bomb: 12/09 OM confirmed: 4/09
