Kevin, do you read your words before posting? Do you read our posts? Wait a second, I have definitely asked you those questions before....you usually don't answer them...

In additioin to echoing what AK said...I must point out the other obvious (obvious to US, not you) things from your post. Starts out great and slides down the drain from there....So you were wishing she'd look like crap (notice you were not worried about her health)...so. then you still missed the giant dinosaur in your face. After the discussion of her giving the kids back, why'd you talk about her at all? AGAIN? Oh, b/c she wasn't mean to you...wow Kevin, think she'll move in tomorrow? Could she possibly be thinking that a) she prefers a civil R with you AND b) she'll look better in court and c) custody is being debated so she CANNOT start a fight with you right now.

STOP TALKING/THINKING ABOUT HER OR YOU WILL NEVER EVER BE HAPPY. You wallowed AGAIN about what you cannot have. But Your own father is a widow of just one year! He cannot DO anything to help that sitch, but YOU CAN help YOURS AND WON'T!

You'd rather hope your w gets ugly and fat so THEN you'd "look better to her" (not that YOU'D CHANGE?? NO, NOT THAT!!) Better to sit around and keep on WAITING and wallowing and moping cuz that's worked SO well at getting her back and it's super attractive, and YOU"VE BEEN SO HAPPY DOING IT!!...OMG Kevin get your head out of your a--. Almost as weird as reading about how great the M was...like we have amnesia.

& Your poor dad, comforting YOU....Did you call your DAD the anniversary of your mom's death? I know You called the one person who did not need comforting from you, you called your stbxw with YOUR NEEDS...again... don't you see how you are missing the whole side of life called "GIVING"? That is not "LOVE," you have for your wife. It's NEED and WANT and it is NOT THE SAME as love...

I guess I'M the one in denial b/c I keep thinking there's more to you than neediness. That down deep there's a man with a lot to offer a woman, but what you just said AGAIN, after all this...and so many other BLIND comments you make, after so many wonderful people have written well articulated pieces to you...well it just tires me. Really I feel sad and get tired when I read your replies. Lots of them seem as if you ignore what we say if it's hard for you, and you're just jotting down ALL your unmet needs like you have a bucket of need but oops, there's a hole in the bucket AND YOU CANNOT FILL IT...b/c....you want someone else to fill it...and it has to be her... so it'll never be filled./ Are these words to say that you know sound healthy, but are not really felt by you?.

Kevin, you and I have been in communication since you began your thread here. And how many others are still here who were here from your beginning? I'm not positive. But am I the only one left? Is stuck8 still here? Amyc is not and is Breakaway?

Like YOU said, your wife is "dead" to you for all emotional and practical purposes. So what's with caring about her looks? Oh, that's right, she was polite to YOU, and NOW YOU ARE THINKING THAT'S PROGRESS TOWARD RECONCILIATION- INSTEAD OF THINKING IT'S PROGRESS TOWARD AN ADULT RELATIONSHIP which you said you wanted...but it's all still MAINLY tactics even now....don't force her to have to pull back from you yet again.

She was polite to you! Good. That's better than being rude. NOW, MAKE NOTHING ELSE OF IT EXCEPT THAT A MORSEL OF RESPECT WAS THROWN YOUR WAY....if you scarf that down like it's a bone thrown to a starving dog, that's how you'll be seen AND treated again. BACK OFF. Be civil. Be strong. (Be 34 y/o). You know, If there comes a time when she wants more, YOU WILL KNOW b/c SHE WILL TELL YOU OR SHOW YOU and I doubt it will be a vague comment or action at all. Don't know what it would exactly look like BUT I DO KNOW her basic courtesy while custody issues are being decided, is NOT the time to read into anything on her end...

Glad she was civil and the day went smoothly. Now let's see if the clock can start over again. The one where you don't talk about your wife. If you MUST refer to a kid's issue, okay. But your comment about her gaining weight gave yourself and your neediness away all over again. Those moments are when I wonder if you have made ANY progress that was not forced upon you. And "forced" progress isn't really progress is it? I mean, factually speaking, if she came back today, how long do you think it'd take for you to lose ALL self respect and be in the same boat again AND not have changed at all, Or at most, less than 10% of your behaviors would be different a year from now? I worry that within 3- 4 months, you'd be the same guy you were a year ago. B/C the "progress" was ALL forced on you, and the stuff you say you'll do for yourself...has not come to fruition.

Good night Kevin. Get a c. You cannot afford NOT to do so.
j-


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change