speaking as one cheated on, and who DID once cheat, all i can say is in the end, when you get a little older and stuff, you really realise, that your partner being infatuated with another person, and having sex with them, tho HURTFUL and DREADFUL, you know it isnt real. you know deep inside yourself that its just a game, a stupid phase, and you know that this thing they're having is NOTHING compared to what you have together (history etc). Some could say but, how cuold you stay, how could you not get jealous? well from MY perspective, as I got older, I just became less and less "sexually" jealous. I think most of us might agree, who fight for marriage yes? jealous of the closeness and the intimacy YES, but of the sex? nah not overly. Even if its GREAT and im sure it IS yanno? it was for me when I had my affair; so?
Let me say I know this for sure - memories of "great sex" fade whereas memories of wonderful family times and great moments, they never fade; they just sink deeper and deeper into whats dear to your heart and mind. And even tho it may seem like yuor havnig a wonderful and "intimate" time with an OM or OW, its all just so JUVENILE, I cant say it any more clearly; its so IMMATURE and so RIDICULOUS - its compeltely unreal. theres nothing there except a brain sodden with hormones. its SHARED HISTORY that matters not stolen moments of groping panting sex before you go home to have dinner with your family.
IN THE END, the affair is pretty much a shameful memory, one you want to forget. In the end you want to even forget those so called "intimate" moments, bc they were fake and stolen an based on untruth and cheating. thats not love. It is unbelievable just how much you DONT CARE about a past lover you had an affair with several years down the track. I know if I saw MY LOVER again, in the street, Id just look away in embarassment. Id not even exchange a WORD with him!
its impossible to tell anyone going thru an affair these things bc they have to get thru it themself, but it is like a drug and it is addictive and mostly its covering up deep dissatisfaction in life; it causes a massive amount of shame and horror later on though. at the time you dont care bc you dont even care ABOUT YOURSELF. all you care about is the OP and how you feel with them theres no "future consquences". they're so attractive bc they are so hard to GET. but deep down you know you dont want to get them at all, thats what your REALLY doing - wasting time with an OP you cant really have anyhow. theres no substance there.
i would say the ONLY benefit in HAVING an affair is knowing how they work and feel and knowing how the end and the end is TRULY "the end", unlike the pain of D. I think partners who stand by their cheating partners are strong and loving an know it very well might pass, if they fight. i dont think its weak or wrong i think its a labor of TRUE LOVE. our w or h might not appreciate it AT THE TIME of the addiction to OP, but chances are they will, later on when its all over.
and if you lose the battle and the OP wins, well you can still always say "wow I loved w or h, and I tried so very hard for them". thats something to be really proud of, particularly for children
When you're down to nothing, God is up to something.
