Magnificent

[mishka422]

Thanks Al!

Marc is practically giddy to have his dad here with him. They actually are taking the sharing pretty well. I can tell Gabe wants to find a way out of this situation post haste but he knows he doesn't have another option right now.

I spent the largest majority of the day today helping my cousin with a side job she has doing handwork for a mail house. Stuffing 6"x9" flyers into ziplock bags and sealing them. She has 25,000 to do and with the help of every family member who ventured into the house today we finished about 15,000 of them. There were so many of us working on them at one point today that there was no table or floor space left in two rooms. We figured that we each are averaging 350 per hour. It's tedious and brainless work which, unless there are conversations going, leads a mind to wander.

My poor little mind wandering all my itself is never a good thing. At about 11pm tonight everyone had left the room except me. As my thoughts drifted I found myself looking at the picture collages on the wall in front of me. I was surprised to see pictures in the collage of me and Gabe at the family Thanksgiving trip to Pigeon Forge about 5 years ago. It seems like a lifetime ago that I was happy and content. It was like a hammer blow right between the eyes and I found myself tearing up. Good grief.....can't I just let it all go and forget about that part of my life. I seriously need to put that to rest. There were a lot of hpappy times, but thinking about them makes me realize all that I've lost and won't ever have and drags at me like a cement block chained to my feet. Horrible feelings of hopelessness and loneliness invade my thoughts. My cousin came back into the room and found me wiping tears from my eyes but didn't say anything about it. I'm not letting her leave me in the room alone again! It's made me feel extremely sad now.

I got home at midnight to find that Gabe is gone out somewhere. I didn't ask my mom how long he had been gone and I'm proud of myself for not doing that. I know he showered before he went because the walls were wet when I went in to use it myself and no one else would have used that bathroom. It's now 1:30a and I've been fighting with my traitorous mind telling myself that it doesn't matter where he is, he doesn't answer to me, blah blah blah......why is it bothering me? No idea. Long ingrained habit I'm sure.

Better get to sleep so I can get up at the crack of dawn and do this all over again. Yipee.....*blech*. It's a holiday but there is no rest for me. I'll be working on suffing bags all day and working at the market tomorrow night.

For those of you here in the US......Happy Memorial Day! Please remember our troops serving our country here and around the world as well as their predecessors who gave the ultimate sacrifice for our freedom. God Bless the USA!