Kenn, your weekend sounds fab! Glad you are having fun and things are good as you said. And I agree with the above, sometimes losing some sleep is totally worth it when it means having a great time! Thats something I forgot over the last year or so, but am relearning
Me-27 H-28 M-2.5 yrs T-8.5 yrs No kids B 1/09 S 2/09
So I just got off the phone with ex....ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!
Phone call started off (her drinking) about how I am screwing up by letting my daughter fall asleep on couch, not practicing piano and turning daughter against her.....Blah Blah Blah....
SO in the interest of DBing I told her stop calling me and telling me what you want. Then I went into the whole "you had an affair on me and left me for another guy"... you don't have the right to call me and tell me anything.
She said it was all my fault because I worked shift work all my life and screwed her life up.
I said yeah..heard that a hundred times and never once did you come to me and say I am hurting... all you did was come and say you wanted a divorce and then make reservations to sleep with come guy.
Then we went back and forth about my daughter and why she thinks my wife is not as nice a dad. It is because I am pampering her. What a &*^%^%%!!!!!
So I tell her that one reason is she doesn't take any trips with daughter but her boyfriend flys her around like a common ^&*** and the only way she able to do that is by divorcing me so she can get away form her daughter and have a romantic weekend with some other guy.
She accused me of telling my daughter that she is taking these trips. I respond "oh and you don't think you bringing her a shirt back from New Orleans makes her think you went to New Orleans Sherlock???? and then I added "bet that jerk your sleeping with helped you pick it out, the whole time telling you how much he wants to meet your daughter and what a great mom you are" ARGH!!!
She responded with I abused her for 15 years but she really did love me when we got married. Me, "but that didn't stop you from telling me that you realized you were setting for me and sleeping with the first guy with money that paid attention to you.
Then we moved on to the fact that she is allowed to have romantic weekends by having her ex husband watch her daughter...&^* Her response was that for eight years i never tried to ask anyone to watch our daughter so we could go away for a weekend. I asked her when did she? She reponded with one time (in 8 years) So she beat me 1 to 0.... guess I sucked as a husband.
I can't stand this woman. She eventually hung up on me.
Now I am wondering if I will end up battling fo custody of my daughter. I know she loves my daughter but she is so damn selfish she can't even see herself in the mirror.
I would say our R is over and that's okay with me. The thing is i feel bad for the way the conversation went. don't want to be around this person but still feel bad.
why is it that they betray you but then think you would still want to remain friends with them.
probablly don't deserve to be on these boards with everyone. I knew that once I decided to drop the rope i would not like this person that I married 16 years ago....
Wow Kenn, what a convo! No, it was not good DB, but it sounded like a lot of issues needed to be put out in the open. Sometimes, that needs to happen, for anything to move forward (in whatever direction you choose). Having an A is the ultimate betrayal. It's sad that she is not looking for happiness within herself. And it's sad she is bringing your daughter into this, when you are trying to be the best dad you can. Of course she sees this. She is swimming in guilt and anger.
I am sorry, you are in a lot of pain right now. Even though I don't know how you feel, I understand. I think it was good that you defended your actions. Stay strong!
Hope you day goes better!!
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
Hi Kenn and MsMelancoly, was reading your posts and was wondering what you think of my situation. Would you please read and I'm willing to take any advice? Thank you in advance!!!
My husband that suffers from depression left on Nov. 6th and moved in with his father and step-mother. He filed for a no-fault divorce in the middle of Jan. When I got the papers I called him a mess then calmed down waited a couple of hours and called back and told him I will give him what he wants and he had NO clue to what I was talking about. I said the divorce and he said he didn't want it and then changed the subject really quick!!
He stopped taking his meds 3 weeks before he left and I had no clue! Thought he was just stressed due to work etc. He was snapping at me and the kids..little things and then all of a sudden left. Said it was the marriage creating his depression.
His parents do not believe in depression so they agreed. We have been married 13yrs. and they weren't in our lives with his last episode so they have NO clue. He started to take his meds. at the end of Jan. and by the end of Feb. was calling and joking around. That lasted for 2 to 3 weeks then all of a sudden back to the angry husband! Oh, by the way his parents are pushing for the divorce.
Here he admitted to me that he stopped taking the meds again saying he didn't need them and wasn't taking pills the rest of his life. At first I begged and pleaded for him to come home and then I stopped.
I purchased Divorce Busting and trying very hard not to call or anything! This weekend coming he is finally getting his own place, which my counselor said from the beginning if he would just get out of their house and be on his own he will realize what he has done! She counseled him before for his depression but now he refuses any help at all!
Me and my daughter go because we are a mess (she is 12yrs. old). My son from a previous marriage is also very bitter but he is 18 and I can't make him go. He claims he's ok but he's not. This is the only father he knows plus my in-laws and my husband don't bother with him at all since the separtation!
These are people that claim I was the best thing for him (my husband) and that they loved all of us soooo much and not even a phone call to see how we are doing!!!! They know how financially hard it is on me and the kids and also know that I have no other family! Dad passed years ago and mom is sick with brain tumors!! Not only did he leave us but so did they! I love him so much and now I'm in a deep depression and don't know where to turn or what to do!!
Then over his visit with our daughter on the weekend she came home very upset because he had my name (tatoo) removed. She wants him to come home so bad and I told her everything will be ok either way. I don't know why he had to do that or why he would do it! I understand that when depressed he is a very angry person and doesn't think clearly but this pushed me and her over the edge I think.
Then we have a hearing on May 15th because he is in contempt of court for not going to our daughter's counseling appointments and he just drops it!! Well is lawyer does!!! He didn't even go in the room!!! His step-mother did!!! He does not want to even see our daughter now!! This was his baby girl!!! How do we go on from here??? Has anyone out there had their in-laws involved in making the decisions?? I'm so scared right now!! Our family is and has fallen apart!!!
Ugh, Kenn, I'm sorry. That sounds like a very sucky conversation. MsM is right, very un-DB but hopefully you feel better getting it off your chest.
It's obvious she is pushing your buttons and you're giving her the reaction she wants. I would strongly recommend that you go as dark as possible and speak only about things relating to D or business matters.
Remember the old adage: if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.
By refusing to engage with her you are shifting the dynamic. Hopefully it will take you out of her crosshairs and she will be left to examine her own actions. And even if that doesn't happen you'll have some time and space for yourself.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
I don't know what to say. If you have read my thread I am not the best at DBing. I have made the wrong move at every decision point in my situation. Maybe I am sabotaging myself in a subconsious way. Who knows.
I think your best bet is to copy and post your situation in a thread of your own. There are a lot of really wise and experienced people here and they will come to your aid.
The one thing I will tell you is that you will be the rock for you family. Your husband is going through something bizarr and you need to shift the focus onto your kids. They didn't do anything to deserve this. Your husband has made a decision. The depression may come and go but your kids deserve to have a strong parent in their corner. Once you get a foundation for them and you then maybe take some time to worry about him.
I'll look for your post and visit it. So sorry for your situation but I think you have found a good place to help a little by being here.
