One Step Up, Two Steps Back

[iamlost]

I'm sorry, I see no contradictions.

OK, I'm gonna spell it out, very directly. You will probably get mad at me again.

I have so NOT lorded [her affair] over her it's not even funny

In short, I am treating her as Jesus Himself would treat her if He were standing right here: "I'm here for you, but you have to turn away from this path [the affair] you are on."

Lording it over someone is to behave as if you are better than someone else, right? The quote I dredged up is pretty much a textbook example of "lording it over someone", both literally and figuratively. You are not Jesus, she is not a sinner you need to save. You're her H and she's your W. If this is how you feel about her, along with all the other descriptions I don't want to type again, then I guarantee you: SHE KNOWS IT. And what's more: she knows it's neither love, nor Christlike. Sorry if that's harsh, but that's how I see it.

My family has been nothing but kind and forgiving to her

I thought of your loss of good health, my loss of you and of our loss of this time together, and I was still grateful for our situation as compared to [Puppy's]. We may not have celebrated our love to the full extend our numbered days would have encouraged, but we almost always knew it had and would sustain us - even through our difficulties. I knew you loved me, and knew you saw our marriage vows as sacred. I might get angry or frustrated, and/or know you were feeling the same, but I knew you would never betray our bond. I also know you were able to count on me in this same way.

I appreciate that your B loves his W, and I'll bet the rest of the book IS amazing and touching. But here love is masquerading as moral superiority. This was a direct zing to your W, along with the overt suggestion that "our M is better than your M".

I have a similar family, Puppy. Although mostly they are wonderful, I grew up with a certain amount of judgement and moral superiority. I've seen it in them and I've seen it in myself, and it had no small part in the breakdown of my marriage.