PM Thread #5 - Hope new plan works

[PositivelyMommy]

It was a difficult day. We cried a lot when we broke the news.

My D7 was the one with the insightful questions. 'Are you and Daddy still together? Are you going to stay married? ' It was so hard to answer her.

I refused to be the one to break the news so waited for H to start saying the words. My little D7 was sitting on my lap at the time, her whole body language changed. Her head dropped, shoulders dropped, arms dropped. She was in tremendous shock. 'Why does Daddy have to leave?' 'I thought he was going to stay with us forever.' This last comment killed me. All I could say was 'So did I.'

She also asked in bed, 'After a few years, will he come back?' I had to tell her no. I didn't want to lead her on like he led me on for months without a definite answer. It was cruel both ways.

She doesn't understand and I don't understand the answer either. Why NOT try? Why is he putting the innocent children through this?

She loves her dad so much. She wants him near. She misses him dearly. I am worried about her. I e-mailed her teacher and school counsellor so they will be aware of what happened this weekend.

My little S9 feels scared. He can't articulate it but he was sobbing loudly in bed last night.

I am glad I had a year to get stronger so I can help them through this tough time.

At the end of the evening H came to me and thanked me for helping break the news to the kids. I was crying. He said that he was grateful I was strong for them. I thought they are my kids no matter what I think of you and your methods, of course I would do everything in order to protect them. I was also thinking, you see how I love my kids, that's the way I love you too but you don't see it or appreciate it. I still love you this way but you don't want it.

But because I am db'ing I didn't want to come across as needy so I didn't say those words.

He then stayed behind and we talked about what was on his mind for about an hour. About his work mainly, what else? He kind of unloaded his worries. I tried to encourage him.

Things like'I don't always agree with your actions or decisions but I am glad you are making a good decision for yourself (regarding work).'
'It's good that you know your worth and is standing up for yourself.'


He is making a lot of changes in his life, his family, his work. I think he is slightly MLC ( all except the sportscar). So he is looking to see what will make him happy.

25yrs I will hand this over to God. I really hope he can help me and the kids through this time in our lives.