It's ALWAYS been about her. Every conversation, everything -- like I've said, she's very narcissistic.
IMO, you are damaging your chances of ever having the M you want with your W by continuing to diagnose her and think of her as narcissistic. Let her IC figure out what her issues are.
Originally Posted By: Puppy Dog Tails
Had she been working harder (oh hell, working at ALL) to try to mend my wound over her affair these past two years...I could be SOOOOO sympathetic, I really could.
She doesn't work harder to mend your wound over the affair, because to face it means "I am a bad person that did an unforgivable thing," instead of "it was a mistake that I can fix." If you want her to feel like this is a mistake that she can work to fix, then you have to show that it is. You may feel that you have told her that, but what you say here says differently.
This thing has been made so big that your W can't even face your family over it. Your brother writes books about how much she sucks (I'm exaggerating, but you get my drift). If the "consequences" of an affair are that you are constantly in a corner, defending yourself, that's all you're gonna do. Defend yourself.
If that's how she feels, she is not going to be working to try to make it up to you or even thinking about how you feel--how you feel is just one more thing to avoid. FWIW.
It is in the shelter of each other that people live.--Irish proverb
