The adventure continues--the saga goes on

[AFWAW]

It's imperative that you do not go "melty man" at this point, as she is definitely trying to appease you right now. NOTHING HAS CHANGED, other than she's "being nice."

Yeah, I'm not doing that again--that feeling sucks. Did you get the term "melty man" from a TV show called "Coupling"? If you haven't seen it, you should. It's on BBCA and is funny. And I know--I went into last night very cautiously. I watched what I said and didn't engage my emotions at all.

The problem with saying "yes" to all of her invitations is that it DOES open your heart back up to her, and at this point she is still an unrepentant, serial adulterer with some serious issues.

As far as I can recall, this is the first invitation for just me. And no, I won't accept them all if she even attempts to try again. She did say she had a very good time last night however. Not sure if she was being nice or just lonely or what. I did want to see her apartment to see what the big fuss was about. I keep telling myself--believe nothing that you hear and only half of what you see. I think I told myself that about 10 times last night.

Please protect yourself -- emotionally, legally and financially -- and ESPECIALLY protect your daughter.

Emotionally is the hardest but like I said, I went into last night w/ no expectations especially considering the fact that she was going to file yesterday. Legally--I feel I'm good for right now. I'm fine financially--no worries here for now.

I know, I know . . . we're buzzkillers.

No, I appreciate it. I didn't have a buzz about last night. I was more curious than anything, really. Very curious to me that she invited me out after the way she's acted and going on what she's said doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me at this point. It's going to make for an interesting series on HBO that's for sure.

[AFWAW]

So my D and I went and saw a movie after she got home from her friends house. As soon as the movie was over, the wife called. She said she was disappointed that we didn't ask her to go to the movies with her. She asked if she could come over and offered to bring some dinner. I thought about it for a sec and said sure. Hoop, I think you're right--OM must be out of town for the weekend as my D is going to spend the night at wife's apartment tonight. Anyways, we watched tv for a while and the wife stayed the night on the couch. She just left this a while ago. I initiated no relationship talks and neither did she. As far as I can tell, nothing has changed. I wonder what she's waiting for. I didn't throw out my emotions at all to her although I wanted to. We just had pleasant, light conversation the whole time.

[SmileysPerson]

I initiated no relationship talks and neither did she. ... I wonder what she's waiting for. I didn't throw out my emotions at all ... We just had pleasant, light conversation the whole time.

Maybe what she's waiting for is to see if the new AF is "pleasant" and "light" -- and, therefore, sort of nice to be around.

Time, man. Time. Time is your friend.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

As soon as the movie was over, the wife called. She said she was disappointed that we didn't ask her to go to the movies with her. She asked if she could come over and offered to bring some dinner. I thought about it for a sec and said sure. Hoop, I think you're right--OM must be out of town for the weekend . . .

Then why "rescue" her from her loneliness? I would have said "I'm sorry, I don't think that would be best right now. I need to spend some one-on-one time with her. I'll have her call you in the morning, k??"

SHE NEEDS TO MISS YOU. And she needs to feel the consequences of being alone.

Puppy

[AFWAW]

SHE NEEDS TO MISS YOU. And she needs to feel the consequences of being alone.

Yeah, I thought about this after she left this morning. I guess I was relieved that she didn't file for divorce yet and wasn't thinking straight.

My daughter told me she was depressed this morning and wishes that the whole ordeal was over. She said that mom is trying to make like everything is ok like she thinks that we've forgiven her but we haven't. She said she didn't like the fact that her mom stayed the night on the couch. When I asked why she said that she felt uncomfortable her being there because she didn't feel like she could do what she wanted--ok, I'll buy that. She is supposed to spend the night w/ the wife but says she doesn't want to. I told her if she didn't want to then she needed to tell her mom. She said she would once she gets over there. Ok. I'm going to stay out of that I think.

The wife made a couple of comments over here that I was thinking about. She said something about she was better off being by herself just out of the blue-I didn't respond. She was looking through the Sunday ads and was talking about some stuff she needed to buy for her apartment as well--again, I didn't respond.

I wanted to ask her why she didn't file on Friday but I thought is unwise. I would really like to get in her head for about 15 minutes so I could see if there is any hope. One good thing about this visit--I didn't emotionally invest myself into any interaction w/ her and haven't felt broken down or "melty man" as PDT puts it. I wonder what the real deal is?

[hooper1668]

AFWAW,
PDT is right...this would have been a good time for her to realize what she is losing by not being able to call you and D whenever she feels like to ease her loneliness and have someone to hang out with. I know it is easier said than done but try not to let her spend the night at the house again unless she has moved back and ended everything with OM. I hope for your wellbeing this is over before Oct.

Anyway, what is done is done...this is a good opportunity for you to spend time together as a family with the understanding that Tuesday is the day that you cut all contact with her unless it is about your daughter and then email is fine unless it is an emergency...no more lunches, overnight visits, supper, chatting on the phone, emails. This serves a couple of purposes...it lets her know that she has a family she can return to now and lets you regroup mentally and heal yourself. It will hurt and at times you will feel like an addict in withdrawls...go for a run.

It will get better...continue your investigation. It is more important than ever that you expose and end this affair. If you can afford it get a PI. You can save money by letting them know when you think they are meeting...for example if your daughter is there she will not meet him on x-day (I hope).

Time to reschedule with the lawyer...did your wife discuss the D at all? Review any paperwork? What will she pay towards CS?

You did well this weekend...if your D wants to come home let her...do not get caught up in trying to please your W by making your D stay with her. Let her feel the pain of poor decisions...do not sitdown and have a friendly chat about the D...get a lawyer. The only thing you want to talk to with her is fixing the marriage and taking care of your daughter.

She has come very close to giving up her moral authority to be a parent or your wife.

Again, recommend you have a good time and use this to prepare yourself for what you need to start doing on Tuesday. The longer this goes on the more difulcult it will be to fix.

V/R

[AFWAW]

Hoop,
Iknow--I should have let her suffer but I didn't.

I hope for your wellbeing this is over before Oct.

I hope so too.

I'm actually not feeling that bad mentally at this point. I haven't gone all melty man as PDT puts it. I'm going to have a nice relaxing day/evening at home and just do nothing.

I told my daughter that if she doesn't want to spend the night w/ the wife she needs to tell her. I have found that getting in the middle gets me no where. My daughter isn't afraid to tell me what's on her mind but she's afraid to tell the wife? I will be bringing this up w/ her counselor next week. I mean, I don't get it--the wife has no control whatsoever over my daughter regarding anything and she's still afraid to tell her how she feels.


I am continuing my investigation--this is the week I should have a name and what type of vehicle this scumbag drives. I don't have the money for a PI but I will do some drivebys at the wife's apartment to verify that scumbag is in fact visiting. We'll see how it goes after that. I think I'll call his wife as if she really is a Col--she will be on the global.

The only thing you want to talk to with her is fixing the marriage and taking care of your daughter.

I keep telling myself this however it is still difficult to comprehend the whole situation as it stands and how my wife of 15 years has betrayed me and abandoned our family. There's no way she could ever call me a coward without looking like a hypocrite.

Thanks for the input. Hope you and everyone else is having a good weekend.

Cheers,
John

[hooper1668]

You are no coward in anyones book! Take care

[AFWAW]

Well, the wife called this morning and wanted to talk about daughter going to camp. The whole conversation revolved around my daughter. I can sense the weekend is almost over and the OM must be coming back into town.

So, should I ask her when and if she's going to file? Or should I leave it alone for now?

I know she had a good time with me the other night. Someone help me to understand if you can.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

John,

Go back on your last two or three threads, and see how many times you ask some variation of "why?" and "help me to understand."

You're wasting valuable emotional and intellectual energy on this cheeseless tunnel. There IS no "understanding" the wayward mind, or making sense out of the senseless. If you want to, go to Fit's new thread in the Infidelity forum if you want a glimpse into the wayward woman's mindset, but I'll tell you -- it ain't pretty.

And it really serves no purpose.

You need to focus your energies on doing the things that Hooper has so thoughtfully laid out for you, and stop trying to "figure out" and "temperature check" your wife.

Sorry for the 2x4 on this holiday. I do thank you sincerely for your service to our country, John.

Puppy