You are wanting her to caretake your feelings because you are scared that if she really works things out on her own, she'll be gone.
Not true. Hell, other than being upset when we'd have to tell our boys, I'd be FINE if she was gone. Hell, I've detached no less than FOUR TIMES, and TWO of those times (the two most recent) was actually kinda LOOKING FORWARD to being single again, and dating, etc. But she always sucks me back in!
What do I want? I want her to either work harder at meeting my needs, or just leave me the hell alone and let this thing end, rather than coming onto me every time we're about to end it, and sucking me back in.
