Day 3 of the family vacation and so far things are going pretty well. This much togetherness is definitely challenging my ability to stay detached. A better word for my sitch would be Schnarch's "differentiation" - the ability to hold onto onesself in spite of close contact with a loved one - by definition a person who is important to you and who's opinions and needs differ from ones own.
My W is on her own roller coaster. One part of her want's to be close and loving (she initiated ML yeaterday - in her own words to "kick off the vacation right) and the other part wants to withdraw into sorrow. Today is the 4th anniversary of her fathers death, and it always hits her hard. She want straight from ML to tears. No, I didn't take it personally. She is enormously conflicted and sad about some combination of our sitch and her fathers death. I am not sure which and in what combination, but they are emotionally related for her.
So now, I am once again confused and conflicted again myself. The easiest thing for me to do when my W withdraws is to go out and GAL so that I don't pursue, but that is hard to do when we are together with the kids away from home. Instead I am focusing on trying to keep ahold of my own emotions so that I don't compound the issues.
PMA and fake it til you make it
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
