i normally post under infidelity, but i could have been here all along. u can find my thread, its called he is back, i think.
my h had a total mlc almost 3 years ago. and just when i thought he was coming out of it, just when he came home, just when we opened a new business to get him out of the area of his affair, he is now leaving me again.
telling me of course that this is how he has felt the whole 3 years and i should be moving on and seeing when someone doesnt want me.
so now he is giving up on our business (which of course was funded by our families, mostly mine), and throwing in the towel on our marriage too.
and the ow? i think he is trying to get her back as we speak. i believe he was with her last night (check my post in infidelity).
im totally losing it because i just dont want to go through this anymore.
a year ago he filed for divorce and we never went further than that, we began talking about working it out.
and here i am again.
i dont know how to let go, its not what i ever wanted.
i dont think he will ever be him again.
advice please. thanks.
Last edited by mdoodles; 05/24/0907:47 PM.
me: 31 H:29 Son:5 m:8 years in november t:10 years first bomb: 10/06 moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08 ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06 d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08 moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
I hate to say this, but I don't think your h ever completed his crisis completely. Something interfered with his journey and when they are "snatched" out of the crisis, generally they will go back into crisis at a later time and it's usually worse than the first time around.
All I can suggested is leave him alone, give him plenty of space and pull from deep within you for patience and compassion. He's got to finish his journey and nothing can stop it. Focus on you and be sure to take care of the financials and the assets for if he's back for a second go round on the Mother Ship, money will be spent quite freely.
I know that this isn't what you wanted to hear, but I honestly do think he's never completed his journey.
Please take care of yourself and allow God to work on your h.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
right now he is in the back texting the ow, im sure.
i guess he tried to come out of his crisis and failed.
great.
i need to move on and i dont want to. i need to learn to accept this, i dont think things will ever be ok here.
me: 31 H:29 Son:5 m:8 years in november t:10 years first bomb: 10/06 moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08 ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06 d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08 moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
thank you. its nice to have people that understand.
he is totally off the deep end now.
its such a shame. things between us have been nice for 10 months, he finally comes home and this is what i get.
i dont think he can do it. i think he was away for too long and really doesnt want to be the part of father and husband.
i hate when he snaps at our son just for being a kid.
i dont know how to accept that i cant go through this anymore, that he most likely will never change.
even if he were to perk up and warm up towards me, something else will set him off again.
its aweful.
me: 31 H:29 Son:5 m:8 years in november t:10 years first bomb: 10/06 moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08 ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06 d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08 moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
It's the crisis and they are very moody and emotional. Nothing pleases them and that's one of the reasons that I am in favor of them being on the street because the spouse and children and walking on egg shells 24/7.
It's not the length of time he's been away...it's the unfinished crisis. He's not had the chance to really flex his muscles and get out there and do what is necessary to grow up. Unfortunately, he moved home entirely too soon and is now trying to back peddle in his crisis. My xh left and returned home and was home for 7 months and about drove me nuts with his emotional mood swings, etc. He then left again and has never returned.
Does he appear jealous of your child? Sometimes there is resentment because he sees his child being treated better than he was when he was that age. He looks at the child and himself being the same age because mentally, that's where his emotions are.
If he makes it through the crisis, he will be a changed man, a more adult, mature man. He may retain some of the traits he picked up along the way and they may or may not be traits that you care for. No one knows just how they will come out of the oven once baked up. Some are wonderful, kind and giving, and others...well, let's just say this...they leave a lot to be desired.
You and your child will need to find ways to take care of yourselves. Plan things to do this summer that will give you both plenty of space and freedom to laugh and enjoy life. I suspect he's one miserable human being right now and he's not going to be happy to see you and your child being happy. I'm sorry he's being such a bear.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
thank you. i appreciate your kind words. if you have time, check out my thread under infidelity - i just listed the latest events, it is time for me to move on with my life.
he is in a true mlc but i have truly done everything i can and waited long enough for him.
me: 31 H:29 Son:5 m:8 years in november t:10 years first bomb: 10/06 moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08 ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06 d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08 moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
I read your postings over on infidelity. You are the only one that can determine when you've had enough. Save yourself, your children and whatever is left of your assets.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
thanks snodderly. i have been on these boards on and off for over a year, in this for almost 3 years, h had moved out oct 06.
my heart will never give up on him, i have to override it right now.
i have tried and done everything, i cannot say there is something i should have or shouldnt have tried, said or done.
i am at peace with the fact that i absolutely did everything humanly possible to save my marriage.
i am too young, too pretty, too smart and too nice of a person to be tortured any longer , and that is what it has become.
me: 31 H:29 Son:5 m:8 years in november t:10 years first bomb: 10/06 moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08 ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06 d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08 moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
I'm sorry your going through all of this. I can't imagine going throught it and thinking it's behind you then having to deal with it all over again.
You have to make this about you and your children. Do what is best for you. When it comes to having a love one in crisis, no matter what you try, they have to resolve their issues before anything will change. It's sad but it's the way it is.
My wife is 29 and in full on crazy mode. Looking back it started very gradual 2 years ago after the birth of my son and then slowly came to a point where she checked out to la la land.
It's time to dig deep and be strong. Take care of yourself. You have to distance yourself and pretty much do your own thing. Work on you, take great care of your children (they need you now like never before) and as hard as it is at first get out and enjoy life, do something special for you. It gets better with time.
