Oh Puppy. Can you see that you are pushing away just as hard as she is?
She offered to IM, said she was struggling putting things into words. She was offering to share feelings in a medium that worked best for her. You rebuffed her, went to the pub, and required "talk" rather than IMing. Then she reached out to you again about dinner, you played some game turning her down.
You see this, yes?
She has feelings she is struggling with -- can you let her have some space to work them out without taking it personally? You are wanting her to caretake your feelings because you are scared that if she really works things out on her own, she'll be gone. She feels pressure to make this all about you precisely when she needs space to figure out what she wants apart from all the SHOULDS surrounding her. She really does have to come to some peace within herself. Love really does require freedom. Detach, individuate, whatever you want to call it. Your slide into enmeshment is leading to a lot of reactivity on your part. You want a different kind of R, right?
As for the A and your family, any chance you could sincerely apologize for sharing that info so widely? And sorry that you felt you had to lie to her about the stuff about her in your brother's book...
