Learning to Detach

[kjensen]

Thanks Peace,
I'm still very nervous and doubting things will work out. The girls spent the nght at a friends again(this never happens, especially two nights in a row!) so I checked in with H and he was bored (even with the Nuggets game on!)and said he'd come over. Stayed over, we talked a little. I can sense withdrawing which even though I am expecting, makes a me a wee bit sad and a lot nervous! H has been trying to reconcile who he knew me as with who I am now(just a few differences) and as I explained he apologized for having a double standard! He is definitely very observant and questions things I say if he thinks they aren't consistent.
Today is OW's birthday and H shared that he'd gotten her a present and returned it. He hadn't had plans with her, but still seemed sad. He is still looking at 'downsizing' places for us on the internet with some interest(on his own)..yet does bring up..if we divorce then...., if we stay together then...kinds of statements.

Kissed me goodbye as he went of for a bike ride today with our mutual family friend, who has been extremely supportive of H and of us keeping our marriage together.

Suspect H will be a bit more distant for now and have plans of my own for the rest of the weekend, with my forever absent daughters!

Its been nice being close to him again-makes me just want more! I do realize why I absolutely love him and always will. But I'm trying to have no expectations, having no hopes is another matter altogether! I just am scared he won't really want me.