Trying to detach from the madness!

[Startingover2]

I ran into my old IC at the market...small town! We chatted and she asked how things were. I told her they were about the same. I told her about the wedding and what I should do. She felt that for MY emotional health that I shouldn't go. She said I should say something like:

I appreciate the invitation and I'm sorry I won't be attending. I wish you all the best.

If she pushes say:

Im sure you understand what a difficult time this has been. I'm happy for you on your wedding day, but weddings bring up a lot of sadness for my own situation right now.

IC felt that being honest is good. Let her deal with her son. If I stuff my emotional feelings and it turns out to be a disaster day, it will take me days to recover.

So I had a mini session in the grocery store...nice.

[Startingover2]

I don't know...the more I think about saying the above, the more I chicken out. I think making an excuse is much easier.Although, it would be nice to tell exh and his family the truth.

[Startingover2]

Just got this text:

"Can I skip next months child support payment for baby? I am broke and I have no money for stepdaughters graduation present."

OMG, she is graduating from fricking 8th grade. Not like he is buying her a car! He has a responsibility for all of his children, not just his older two.

I sent this back: "I am sorry. I don't think that is appropriate. I am sure you can find somewhere else to pull from"

He can not pay his rent, his truck payment, not eat, credit card, he can pull from his 401K.

WTF! Is he on crack? 8th grade grad present!!!! Please.

[silvagod]

Hey SO2,

Sorry girl, only just found your new thread!...my bad.

I have been reading your troubles and they don't seem to be changing much. I think the answer lies more in you than anyone else Exh included. You know he isn't going to change in the near future if at all. So, who CAN change?...you can. There is only one person that is getting all stressed by his behaviour, that's you.

You DO know that you and only you are responsible for your own feelings don't you?. It's totally up to you how you react to things and how you let them affect you. Maybe it's time for a more introspective look at YOU.

I am not trying to blame you, I trust you know that, but I was holding a lot of bitterness towards my W and one day realised that the only person that was hurting about that, was me. The more I let the feelings affect me, the worse they got. It's not easy AT ALL to let them go and I still struggle myself from time to time, but it's a revelation to know that you CAN change.

Regarding the CS....I call total BS on his hardship. Demand what is your by right and create a stink if you don't get it. Maybe threaten to tell his family that he isn't paying for his baby. That will make him think a little if he is trying to be the 'good dad' in their eyes. I remember my W having arguments with me about 'her' money and how she couldn't afford to help pay the monthly bills whilst we were still together. Since she left, she's managed to pay rent, gas, electric, rates, loans, car, fuel and STILL buy new clothes and go out....Suddenly she CAN afford bills...figure THAT one out?...BS again.

Anyways...hope you can take a little time to think about how you REact (capitals on purpose).

Take Care

[Startingover2]

I know you are right Silva. I just hate this daily/weekly crap with him. I am always on guard it seems.

My sister told me to tell him if he pushes the cs issue is "ok, so baby won't have food for the month. NO problem". I honestly cannot believe he asked me to give up my cs so he can buy his other daughter a grad present.

I don't care he is broke. I am sure he is. Between his 3 children he is paying half of his paycheck every month to cs. His fault though. Nobody to blame but himself.

[kassie]

It's more of the same - he needs to pay the CS and face the fact that he can't do for one of his D the way he wants until he changes his lifestyle.

Not your problem - HIS problem, HIS difficulty and "embarrassment" - a little suffering might help him change.

BUT DON:"T LET HIM get away with that C****

[Startingover2]

He bombarded me with texts last night. He sent the usual give baby a kiss for me and I said ok. He then sent more texts about the cs. I ignored them. This is really screwed up on so many levels and there are so many things I want to say to him about choices/consequences but I bite my tongue.

I am sure he is beside himself about this daughters graduation. His first exwife married a very wealthy man and exh always feels inadequate in gift comparison. No way he could compete and this was an issue for us when married. He would want to buy his girls over the top gifts and whatever while my kids got crap. He was making comments the other day when he was here that his girls hardly ever talk to him and don't really want to be visiting him. He blamed it on him having no license (a.k.a. me), but in reality they don't want to be with him. They are forced to.

My oldest daughter comes home early today. So glad. The other two tomorrow. I miss them when they are gone.

[SmileysPerson]

SO2: Work your mojo! Child support isn't optional. Non-negotiable. Don't care if he feels inadequate because the fourth cousin of his first ex-wife's third-ex-husband three times removed won the raffle at the Tenpins Lanes 'n' Lounge all-day bowl-a-thon in 1953.

Child. Support.

End of discussion. Now get that mojo workin' and make sure he understands it.

[Startingover2]

HA!! That was great. Thank you.

It isn't optional. If he gives me more grief about it I may start the paperwork to get it garnished. It was late this week becuase of his back, now he wants to skip it next month. Whats next?

[SmileysPerson]

What's next is anything he thinks he can get away with.

But since you gotcher mojo workin', that's gonna be Jack Sh*t.