What else I love. In Rocky, here is a man against all odds that succeeds anyways by working his rear end off. Me and D7 are watching Rocky 4 where he fights the russian. She is totally into it. This is so much fun and so inspirational.
Tomorrow I start working out myself. I'm done with this self pity crap. Its time to start being who I started out being. I can do this. And I will do this. If nothing else, for me and my kids.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Tomorrow I start working out myself. I'm done with this self pity crap. Its time to start being who I started out being. I can do this. And I will do this. If nothing else, for me and my kids.
Kevin
That's the ticket, man! Good attitude! Keep your core value bank full!
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Me and my girls finsished watching Rocky 4 and 3 tonite. They were totally inspired. I was to.
Tomorrow it starts for real for me. I will keep you all posted.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
I'm not sure what W's Plans are. But i am trying to do what I can as an individual can.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Nobody cares what your W's plans are and neither should you. I would say one day you will get that, but I honestly don't believe it.
One other thing, when you are with your girls, focus on them and being with them. Be present in the moment with them. Coming on here and posting while they are around and you are supposed to be spending time with them isn't spending time with them. Give them your 100% undivided attention. You can post later when they are asleep.
"It is excruciating pain. It is the pain of separation, the pain of loss, the pain of dreams and expectations unrealized. It is the loss and death of a mirage."
You are right. I shouldn't care. I shouldn't have even thought about it. I need to just block it out of my mind.
And yes, I should just wait til the kids are asleep to post on here. I think I just thought it no big deal since we are all in the same room together watching the movies and I have my laptop right here in front of me. I was just posting while the movies were on.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
wow, for just a minute I thought you were going to go 24 hours without posting about her...but NOPE...and I had NO idea you were posting WHILE you are WITH THEM....see this makes it like they lose both parents. Sure, it's not as bad as going out to a bar or someone's house as you are "in the room with them"...but can you focus on THEM for a few hours and NOT your w?
As for the guy telling you all your apparent deficiencies and how he'll whip you into shape and get you looking good, is this feedback you invited from him?
It's a lot to take and I live in a place that prides itself on people's looks. But to have someone tell you ALL that about your teeth and face shape and body and clothes....is he a professional image consultant? Nothing wrong with that but I was wondering why in the heck some guy would offer that kind of commentary to you.
Anyhow, Kevin, good luck...please learn from all the efforts that have gone your way. Do us that much and take SOME of the advice, if you can't do it all. Can you do the basics? No more about the f- wife of yours. NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT HER....NO ONE HERE WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT HER...so can you just NOT mention her for 24 hours??
I will try really hard to post to you IF you can stop talking about her. It's sick. Not attractive, not helpful to YOU or anyone else. How many times do you think you'll have to see and hear that before you'll change? Just wondering. Also, what are you doing that IS different now, than you were 3-6 months ago?
I know about the apartment. Good. Got a job. Good. But you personally....anything? Oh, and don't use religion to make your wife wrong or "show the girls that she's wrong" and that you are right. It's unfair to God and misses the entire point of YOUR FAITH and what it does for YOU....show by example that God is a loving God and a strengthening one. I've said this ALREADY I KNOW.....but you seem to need many repetitions to "hear" somethings....
Also, Your wife's mistakes or sins are 1) for God to judge and 2) do NOT make YOU right. Do you see that? Whatever SHE does has nothing to do with whether you are a good man.
So she really is irrelevant. So don't talk about her anymore. Period. Be the best man you can be. Period. I don't want to say this anymore. It's enabling.
J-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Interesting day today. I dropped off my kids at SIL's house for their pool party. All the family was going to be there. I was told that I cannot stay there because MIL does not want me there and SIL does what MIL says. Ok. Fine. So I dropped them off at 1pm.
I went back to where I was yesterday at the resturant/bar on the lake. I am just sitting there and a lady walks up to me and asks if I mind if she sits with me. I say I don't mind. So we start talking and I'm thinking she is just being a friendly person and I was there by myself anyways so I will take the company. She says she is new to the area and doesn't really know anyone. I can relate as far as not knowing to many people. Then after a few minutes of talking She asks me if I want to mess around. I'm like what? She then tells me she is cheap. She is a prostitute and wanting business from me. I couldn't believe it. I thought she was just a nice friendly person. Obviously I said no and then she left. I'm sitting there wondering did I look that pathetic? All I was doing was sitting there passing the time by before I go get my kids. Unreal.
So anyways, at 3 I start to head out to go get my kids. I call SIL and say I am on my way. She says ok and will get the kids ready.
I know I am not supposed to talk about this. But I have a question in this. W then calls me back and says they just threw food on the grill and W has been inside and hasn't gotten to spend time with them yet and asked me if there was somewhere I needed to be with them. I said no. She says why can't I let them stay longer then. I said I can. I was just told that the party would be over sometime after 3pm. And nobody told me differently. She tells me that she would like to have them stay longer. I said ok. She tells me that she will bring them home after. I said ok.
Its after 5 now and I haven't heard anything since. Should I text her and ask her when she is planning on bringing them back? Should I have let them stay or should I have gone ahead and picked them up since this is my week with the kids and I was excluded from being able to do this with them and the family. I only took the kids because they wanted to go and I wanted the kids to enjoy themselves. I don't think they should be kept out of stuff just because of what is going on with the D. I am trying to be the better person and not do what W's family is doing to me.
Any thoughts?
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Text or call her. It's your night with the kids, right? You were excluded from an activity on YOUR NIGHT? Is that correct? That's crappy and you've been more than accomodating of this mean spirited campaign against you and the divisive damaging effect it has to have on your children....perhaps TOO accomodating...SO plan something for this evening with the kids. (Be flexible b/c they're probably tired but might not be and she might check up on you) But it is NOT really her business whether you wanted to watch paint dry with them as it is YOUR time with them, not hers.
SO===tell her you are renting a movie (or taking them to one) or planning a game/activity and since it IS YOUR night, and you've been more than reasonable and more than fair, but to avoid problems you already bent over backwards and agreed to extend their stay already. BUT now this is unfair to you and themand you would not do this to her. She's pushing it So, she needs to bring them over or you'll go get them,whichever she prefers. You can text this if you can't speak well around her. Stay firm if she balks. Remind her, IF NEED BE, that you've been courteous and dignified and did not have to allow them to stay longer, and IF NEED BE, restate your position. Do not engage. Do not ask permission and do not overtalk. But she may react positively IF you remain calm and strong. Act as if you expect to be treated correctly. Don't be tentative or afraid. Be confident of your position and present it as reasonably as possible b/c it IS a reasonable position. VERY.
As for the prostitute, don't hang out at those types of places and it's not you who is pathetic, it's the woman for needing to earn money that way AND the men who have to pay for sex who are truly pathetic.
Good luck, and yes, HAVE something planned for the kids. I assume they'll be tired so renting or watching a movie with popcorn may be the way to go tonight. Ask them once you have them.
j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
25- I think this brings up some good questions about how much to accommodate. I think we would all like to think we can be flexible and would want that reciprocated but maybe that is more of a goal that you work toward once there is more reliable respect in the relationship w/ ex)...maybe something earned.
