The fact is, you are alone. This means you are responsible for your own care. That means you are responsible for your own happiness or your own unhappiness. That means the choice is yours. Don't let it sadden you, 'aloneness' can be very liberating if you approach it with a attitude of possibilities and opportunity as opposed to something to dread. Depends on you.
The regret and remorse ate me up to. I felt guilt for the breakup of my Family and my failure as a Husband. Even bigger guilt when I looked into the eyes of my confused S who was only 6 at the time. Guilt that I couldn't fix it so he'll have a Dad who would always be there under the same roof for him when he needed me.
There were a lot of things I could have done different to maybe save my M. 'MAYBE' is the key word here to. After a while I discovered it was true that concept applied to many aspects of my life, not just my M. Not so much regret, but just wish I had more foresight. It also occurred to me that I actually did some things that were good and decent. Things my ex pointed out to me much later after her anger subsided. I'm human and I'll continue to make mistakes. There were many things outside my control and there will continue to be many things outside my control.
Guilt is the Devil's domain. He thrives in it. It makes us feel less worthy, not salvageable and self-loathing. Incapable of receiving and accepting God's grace and forgiveness in our own minds. It keeps us bound and shackled.
Get ride of that guilt. There may be underlying issue with your W that you are not able to see and understand right now. Things you have absolutely no control over. It was so in my case, but wasn't reveled to me until much later. I'm sure many others on here could tell you the same thing in their situation. Don't let her anger towards you be the tell all. There are redeeming qualities about you. The fact you are looking at yourself and seeing room for improvement says allot.
BTW, as a Father, I'm better than I've every been and have a very close relationship with my two boys. I would venture to say it's an even closer bond now from this experience. You will never be 'alone' in that respect.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
