Irish, the movie was good, but for me a bit too predictable. Lots and lots of action. It proved a good escape...
Karen, I felt like I did try to DB, especially in the first year of our separation. But my xW is one of those who is DB-proof. She has somehow had her conscious surgically removed. She simply used all the gestures and acts of good faith on my part to consolidate her plans.
Oh, every once in a while I might have said or done something along the DB guidelines that might have resulted in her slightly altering or delaying her course, but it was never very long before she set herself right back on track again. I have never been alone with xW ever since our S, so I never have gotten any one-on-one time with her, to get her real thoughts in person and to look her straight in the eyes. Email, yes, but it is not the same. xW now only surrounds herself with "yes" people and co-conspirators. And her mother is the biggest pro-divorce nazi you will ever meet -- extreme anti-DB. I didn't have a chance.
Like I said, some people are just DB-proof. There wasn't really much I could do, but I gave it the best effort possible.
And, yes, Karen, I am certain that each of us will someday come to the point where our hearts are completely healed, through God's grace, and we will be able to enjoy R's with people far more healthy than our ex's. I know for me this will be a long road to healing, but I accept it.
One thing is certain, I have decided I am no longer going to act to protect xW's reputation. Other than all of you, my mother, my brothers and my DivorceCare cohorts, not to mention my IC, I have divulged the truth about xW to no one, family or friend, that we know in common. While I will not actively malign my xW, neither will I continue to act like I don't know what her motives have really been all along. I will no longer be evasive for the sake of the reputation of my S's mother -- not when she has never withheld her own grievances against me, as trumped up and false as they are, with teachers, neighbors and other folks. I've been too kind to her in that regard.
