This week has been back to our old habits and cycles, although I have tried to break it on several occasions. Same cold distance from the fetching Mrs. Puppy, which I've tried to break with some hugs, kisses, flirty texts and such. The hugs have had to be our old "intercept/ambush" kind -- you know, where I have to practically physically step in front of her on her way by me, grab her, she'll give me that head-pulled-back-away-from me thing and say "Wha??" and I'll just give her a hug, which she will reciprocate.
She's been moody and distant; I've been some of the same, and then I'll catch myself and try to be more upbeat, play with the boys, or go do GAL stuff.
A couple of mornings ago, she was getting ready to leave, and said "I feel like I'm forgetting something . . . " and I chirped, upbeat: "I know, you forgot to kiss your husband!" , and she did.
Yesterday, we had this exchange. I started the day working from home, and she left to go take S16 to school. She never said goodbye to me, so I figured she'd be right back home in her usual 15 minutes (we only usually kiss goodbye if one of us isn't going to be right back).
The TMs:
Me: Where'd you go?
Her: Haircut.
Me: Oh! You never said goodbye, I thought you were coming back home after dropping (S16) off.
Her: Thought you were working from home.
Me: Nope.
Her: Guess I'm not a mindreader after all.
Me: Who said you were a mindreader? Even if I was working from home and you were going out for a couple hours, I just thought you would have said goodbye, that's all.
Her: Sorry.
Me: Np -- but I was gonna ask u if u wanted a quickie! :o)~
Her: Oh! lol
Several minutes pass, and then her again:
Haven't been in a real good mood lately.
Me: I've noticed. How come?
Her: Just wrestling with some things.
Me: Like what? How can I help?
Her: You really cant. I need to sort through some things. thx for offering
Me: OK, but isn't that a little cryptic considering everything we've just bared to each other?
Her: When i get home maybe we can IM. Its hard typing on my phone. There are just thoughts that i just dont know how to put into words sometimes. Maybe its more like feelings.
Me: I'll probably be at (pub, with my usual Friday happy hour buds) then. Well, when you're ready to talk, you know where to find me. I do think you should set a first appt. with that counselor tho.
Her: I'm going to get her number this weekend.
(end of exchange)
While I was out having beers and a cigar with my friends, she texted me: "Do u wanna get something to eat tonite?"
Me: Yeah, but boys want to go to the driving range (golf) if it's not still raining.
Her: ok
(end)
Now, I'm not sure if I missed that she was asking JUST ME to go out and get something to eat, but I don't think so. Usually on Fridays, she doesn't like to cook and we take the boys out and all get something, and to be honest I was a little miffed at that point that she's not only once again distancing herself from me, but won't even open up and tell me what's wrong. I thought maybe last nite, in person later at home, she would, but nothing.
Thus continues the dance. One step up, and two steps back.
ONE STEP UP Bruce Springsteen
Woke up this morning my house was cold Checked out the furnace she wasn't burnin' Went out and hopped in my old Ford Hit the engine but she ain't turnin' We've given each other some hard lessons lately But we ain't learnin' We're the same sad story that's a fact One step up and two steps back
Bird on a wire outside my motel room But he ain't singin' Girl in white outside a church in June But the church bells they ain't ringing I'm sittin' here in this bar tonight But all I'm thinkin' is I'm the same old story same old act One step up and two steps back
It's the same thing night on night Who's wrong baby who's right Another fight and I slam the door on Another battle in our dirty little war When I look at myself I don't see The man I wanted to be Somewhere along the line I slipped off track I'm caught movin' one step up and two steps back
There's a girl across the bar I get the message she's sendin' Mmm she ain't lookin' to married And me well honey I'm pretending Last night I dreamed I held you in my arms The music was never-ending We danced as the evening sky faded to black One step up and two steps back
, and she did. 