I cannot beleive all the mistakes I made - omg so many! and you know what... I think I might have won that battle, if only I had been SMARTER, and realised exactly what I was truly up against, but I didn't. for one thing, I had no idea just how hard the OW was going to fight back. To me, she was a stupid young girl who had her whole entire life ahead of her, therefore, why didnt she just move on and get her own man - a younger, available one? i felt it would wear her down, surely, and here was my BIGGEST MISTAKE: I really felt she'd do some soul searching and realise she didnt want to be in this role. MY MISTAKE
never underestimate the OW. maybe one day, they WILL regret their actions, but if so, your sitch will be long gone and over. This silly little girl saw it as a competition and a matter of honor to get him to leave us. And sadly she was encouraged in it. We dont expect an OW to get encouragement... but the fact is sometimes they do have it. if so, they will not see anything they do as wrong, they put themselves in a "saviour" role, they ACTUALLY CONVINCE THEMSELVES they are "saving" YOUR husband. FROM YOU.
Today I can truly say this: I am in a place now where I look at his actions and I see that me and my kids deserve PEACE. Not better; but at least PEACE. Fighting any harder, doing any more, wouldnt bring us peace. I gave him up, but I gave him up with one hell of an explosion... thats not healthy
I burnt my bridges down with Butane and a flamethrower, and not satisifed, I continued and went on, just in case. This was a result of my intense fury just FIZZING over, until I just felt I HAD TO REACT, and therefore I was going to react BADLY. I felt like a badly whipped dog, who has for years whimpered and cowered, that just SNAPPED and thought "now im going to take your face off".
And to tell you the truth, this is LITTLE SPOKEN ABOUT ANYWHERE. theres a lot of info about "how to get it right" and "how to do the right thing" but I think its important to know "this is what happens when you do it wrong" and "this is what happens when you finally explode". It might if ANYTHING, make someone thinking of doing it... think again.
SOMETIMES, someone just abuses you so much and puts you through so much pain and agony that you cant help finally deciding that you are going to end the situation, and not just END it, but cause as much pain in retaliation as you can, while going down in the flames. Its not a great place to be at, mentally. Dont know I survived it! im certainly reaping the costs.
but i didnt do myself any favours bc of the ongoing issues I have today (intense fear and anxiety over having to see him or even hear him again) and it frightens me so much I dont know what I would do if it happened and THAT ISNT NICE. If i had had the resources and help I needed at the time, I think I would have been very different, but I didnt.
so i guess im saying if your partner is busy MLC'ing, really weight up whats acceptable or not, what you cuold forgive or not, but if you DECIDE you cant... just WALK away,.. if possible. I think the biggest thing here is, after so much fighting and so much struggle, when you finally decide "this isnt going to work no matter what I do", you get ANGRY.
its a vicious cycle to be stuck in but i feel terrible for anyone who reaches that mental state and hope EVERYONE can avoid it if possible. I now suffer such intense and huge fear of HIM, hes become like, gee, a monster. I know, before anyone says, i could do with counselling... but i can barely put food on the table so it isnt on my to do list anytime soon. im too busy trying to get these kids thru school and raised on my own.
When you're down to nothing, God is up to something.
