LuckyGril: I know...I know...I'll keep an eye on the alcohol consumption.
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Return to High School:
Just got a nasty text from W referring to the fact that I unfriended her BFF from Facebook about two weeks ago presumably after she made the comment "...there's some woman on fb who wants to f* your husband." Indeed it was the last straw but I'd already had enough. I also didn't like how W was using BFF to telegraph all my FB stuff through her instead of re-friending me directly. (W unfriended me a month or two ago)
I warned you this was going to be sooooo high school.
W: "Did you unfriend my mom too?" Me: "No" W: "Are u gonna unfriend all my friends? Or just BFF? Me: (no answer)
I'm sorry. I'm not playing this.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
I told her noticed the flirty nature but just didn't like the comment and thought it came at a bad time. We're just friends. I have always been open and transparent with you.
She responded that it the "f*" thing was joke but maybe other people notice.
"I don't know what u mean about (friend) being being a little "warm" to me. it really doesn't bother me if she is a friend or more to you. You do not need to "assure" me that she is just a friend, you are free to date her or anyone else."
To which I responded: "I'm all good with friendships but I'm not looking for dating. If this is what the sitch is about then I would prefer to wait to until it's officially over."
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I'll see how she responds. "Married but keeping my options open" is not an alternative.
Last edited by orangedog; 05/22/0909:48 PM.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
W called about 5p. "BFF has unloaded some stuff in living room and garage." mmm Ok.
"I'm going to meet BFF and her BF for din then maybe something I don't know." (like I'm supposed to care?) "mmm Ok." I said I was doing stuff.
Ended up going for a good bike ride then movie (Liam Niesen in "Taken") at the second-run place.
What a day. Mixed emotions right now but prepared for anything.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
I hadn't followed your thread in awhile, but saw Robx's note to you over on Smiley's thread. I thought you had agreed with what EVERYONE had told you, to NOT move out of your own house? What changed??
I'm afraid you missed the boat on this one, and now I see your wife yanking you around again. I concur with everyone Rob said in that long post. I know it stings, but it's the absolute truth.
Missed the boat? Perhaps. Robx is right. And I could still pull a fast one and say, "nahhh, I changed my mind".
Several reasons but when it comes right down to it, I'm going to go out and have fun. She can drown under the weight of the house , her overbearing BFF, and her decision.
- Chicken? Perhaps. I answered her call on the legal stuff w/ my own attorney and showed her I was ready to go. And I still am.
- I don't want to pay for the house. Expensive mortgage plus ch 13 payment. I'm stashing money away. She's losing it. She's is stressing about $ and how she's going to pay. Room-mate is a posibility if I wanted to live here but one I'm not comfortable with.
- I'm going to have as much fun as I can in my new life. I have a cool house downtown.
She is yanking, but if you notice, I don't feel pulled. She's stressin' hard. I'm kinda going with it.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
I don't necessarily disagree with how YOU are perceiving your own motivations, but my point is this: I doubt that's how SHE is perceiving it. She probably perceived your caving on the issue as weakness, and it strengthened her even more. Fairly or unfairly.
Dealt with custody schedule, child support calculation, and packing things in boxes.
I'm staying level headed despite an emotional day.
I know some of you are mad; maybe I made the wrong decision.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
LuckyGril: I know...I know...I'll keep an eye on the alcohol consumption.
---
Return to High School:
Just got a nasty text from W referring to the fact that I unfriended her BFF from Facebook about two weeks ago presumably after she made the comment "...there's some woman on fb who wants to f* your husband." Indeed it was the last straw but I'd already had enough. I also didn't like how W was using BFF to telegraph all my FB stuff through her instead of re-friending me directly. (W unfriended me a month or two ago)
I warned you this was going to be sooooo high school.
W: "Did you unfriend my mom too?" Me: "No" W: "Are u gonna unfriend all my friends? Or just BFF? Me: (no answer)
I'm sorry. I'm not playing this.
I told you she will only get meaner, more cruel and she will do it all at your expense, "high school" style or not.
Do you also notice that you are held to a different standard than she is. You mentioned she removed you as a friend on crackbook but when you start doing that with her BFF she gets mad at you - interesting, I would have thought that her removing you from her friends on fb would have been held with higher importance - but like I said, she isn't losing anything with you going, she is gaining freedom, it's a good thing for her that you are leaving, she is preparing for her new single life having you as a friend on fb would allow you to see her add new friends (male friends) that she will start seeing soon. Her getting mad at you for removing her friend from your list of friends is her wanting to keep tabs on you while at the same time, you wouldn't be able to do the same thing with her.
Time for no contact, strict no contact. Take care of your kids and excel at being a single parent but keep your contact with her to a bare minimum and kick start your own personal development into high gear - that's where it starts.
I still say stay at home but you've decided it's better for you to leave.
As for child custody and child support payments, how was that taken care of? Did you petition for equal/joint custody or did you just take what you were given as an offer from her?
No one is going to give you equal & fair treatment, you need to learn that you have to demand equal & fair treatment from everyone including your wife.
I know some of you are mad; maybe I made the wrong decision.
I don't think it's that anyone is "mad," Orangedog, it's just that we want to see you have the BEST chance for SUCCESS. We just try to help others avoid the stupid pitfalls that we made, and when I see that someone (Robx) PREDICTED this would happen, and I see that EVERY SINGLE PERSON WHO POSTED suggested that you NOT move out, it makes me wonder why you started a thread about the subject, if you were just going to do what you wanted to do anyway.
Dealt with custody schedule, child support calculation, and packing things in boxes.
I'm staying level headed despite an emotional day.
I know some of you are mad; maybe I made the wrong decision.
Making the wrong decision doesn't label you as a bad person, but when you know you're making a bad decision and continue to make it, you know we're going to question your judgement.
When I was in the same situation, I made pretty much all the same mistakes you are making. What turned it around for me is that I had friends that were tired of seeing me get beat up & taken advantage of and they were angry at me alot for letting my wife walk all over me. They gave me tough love, a few good kicks in the ass to wake me up, they shook me up, woke me up from my self-induced conscious coma about all of this.
When I started standing up for myself and stopped my wife from walking all over me like a human door mat, that is when things changed for me and I will make an assumption that this will happen to you also when you take a stand against your wife. Subconsciously she is probably waiting for you to stop exhibiting wus like behavior and show that you some balls.
You mentioned chapter 13 (bankruptcy I'm assuming, or defaulting or mortgage payments, I live in Canada so I'm sure it's called something different down here), yet your wife is still able to manage the house payments but you wouldn't be? How did that work out? Does she make more than you? If so, how did you get stuck with child support payments if I read your last post properly? Is she a lawyer or something and working her "legal" wizardry against you or hoping that her skills in that arena intimidate you enough not to force the issue?
