John, Been thinking about you today....I knew this was going to happen. I almost posted for you earlier...I did and still do not want you to get any false hope. It is important that you stay strong for yourself...no one else. Your strength will carry over into you being strong for your daughter and W. Do not forget that your decisions effect two people, minimum, forever.
Now is a good time for you to back off a little bit and do things with your daughter...and, very important, you must go see the lawyer. I think OM is gone for the weekend and your W is missing you and D. Not a good time to bring up the R...but a good time to acknowledge that you are moving forward.
Again, and yes I repeat myself, your goal is the care of your D. Nothing is more important and nothing more visible to your wife than how you care for D (a good idea to get SS involved with family activities if you can, if this was a concern of your W, and you owe it to SS if you were his dad for 15+)
If you could identify and expose the OM it would help you and don't get caught up in the "fear" trap of she will be ticked...she will but your marriage will survive her anger...not the affair. She will not get an Art 15 for the affair although she better do what her CC tells her if she gets an LoC/LoR.
Plan a fun day with your D and have D invite W...beach, food, friends, jet-ski (get her on for a ride - everyone likes it no matter what they say after they get started, unless she is afraid of the water). No talk about R with W and if she doesn't go so what...do not call her for any reason...ever, unless D is sick/hurt.
A good time for you to work on your detachment...the OM will probably be back Sun/Mon...your cycle will start again...you should think about lawyer, exposure, zero contact with W (don't think that today "fixed" anything - it did not, she is still gone, a liar, multiple affairs, feels no guilt, etc...you know). You do not want this to turn into a relationship where she is sleeping/living with OM (the threat to file for divorce is a cover for her to justify the A at work if she gets caught brought on by her talk with her mother, nothing else) and having lunch with you and acting like you both are happy with this lifestyle.
You will probably get the "I don't know speech" soon...she knows exactly what she is doing and has since day #1 with OM #1,2,3, and 4. If, in your opinion, this was a great day/weekend (depending on what else happens) then you need to see the lawyer Mon/Tues (ASAP) and do whatever you can to secure your position...let her last memories of you be great and then you must hit her hard....divorce, CS, full custody pending a hearing on her stability, alimony, etc...do not make the mistake of thinking this will cause your divorce...your W caused it with the affairs and moving out to continue this affair...there is no other reason for her to move out other than to have a place to meet OM without you and D knowing about it.
Stay strong, work on yourself (mentally, emotionally, physically, etc) be glad today was a good day...be prepared soon to tell her you do not want to see her ever unless the affairs are over, she moves back home, IC/MC, she tells you the names (and you tell your CC) and you both change your ways.
You are on the right path...you have to let her go to see if she was ever yours. Do not chase, now is a good time for you to "ignore, avoid" her...you do not want to become her best buddy...your relationship is much more deep and emotional...to include intimacy.
If she continues to stay in her apartment go file and have her served...don't worry about what happens...have the paperwork ready to be served right before July 4th...have her declared unfit due to multiple affairs, abandonment, and exposure to D of OM details and improper talks. Is this harsh, yes it is...so is life when a third person is brought into a marriage.
Stay away from the booze and bars. Go to church Sunday, take daughter with you. Life is not as bad as you think...make a list of what you want to do...school, PT, work, etc and stick to it.
Do not get your hopes up...sounds like your thoughts are in the right place right now.
