I have grown tremendously in the past 2 years, with 15 months of weekly C.
Ali - you say that a lot. I guess I just don't see much evidence of it.
I observe that you still obsess about your relationship (healthy people are able to compartmentalise their lives to some extent so that they can focus on a balance of things - ultimately in western developed culture we should be able to focus on keeping our mind (I guess that's your art), body (that's usually the economic side of the equation) and spirit (for you that seems to be astrology - but only the clever intuition of positive planetary influcences) together - and if we are honest we both know there is far more to spirituality than that.
You have your X paying your credit card, your friends paying for your dinner, avoidance of your academic work until the last minute and an almost comical round of she-said/he-said discussions about your non-existant/maybe on/maybe off relationship with your ex boyfriend.
You seem to still perceive yourself as incomplete without a relationship - Girlfriend we are born alone and we die alone. If we can't learn to be adults alone, safe in our own skin, able to support ourselves emotionally and economically - then I suspect we are failing to learn the lessons. I just don't see that you are any closer to having a strong happy independent relationship with yourself
I see you still think you can behave in particular ways to manipulate the outcome you want - regardless of the place that poor man is at.
I see that you find it difficult to reflect on alternative points of view - and that is clear by the way you are so terse and impolite (to use your word) when you respond to respected older experienced members of this community. Most recently Naej and BND - but I've seen others burned, and I know I often feel as though I'd like to make a considered "pro" DB comment, but I don't have time in my life to spend writing to someone in good faith only to be flicked off like an annoying knat because you aren't ready consider the ways your behaviour impacts on your current circumstances.
So defend yourself roundly to every word I've written. But do yourself a favour and when you've calmed down, come back and read this post and the things Naej has been saying and ask yourself what it is that we say that makes you so uncomfortable?
Maybe there will be some answers there for you.
Good luck. I hope your boyfriend gets well, recovers from his depression and can return to snuggle, support and bring dinner for you when you are busy because you chose to leave everything until the last minute.
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
