Andabelle he skipped the country and ran away, so they cant get him for it here unless he returns. Even if he did return I dont think they'd know about it until he put in a tax return anyhow. Im not sure. I did find out where he worked etc overseas and provided that info, but was basically told there is nothing they can do to collect from there.
Lolal, whew was I ever angry alright. I walked around furious constantly (I do mean, constantly!) for over 2 years. Im pretty happy to say the constant anger is gone now, it returns every now and then but briefly now, not like a constant rage as it was. Believe me 'feeling it' wasnt the difficult thing. Getting it under control was the HARDEST THING I HAVE EVER DONE IN MY ENTIRE LIFE... I pretty much threw myself into prayer, and i read a lot about how holding onto anger is like, swallowing poison and hoping the other person dies.. that made sense to me. I also read the Dalai Lama's works inside out... but i will definitely grab that book if i can find it.
part of the biggest problem for me was the lack of support (zero) from his family particularly his mother, as she lives five minutes from me and never once phoned me, or anything, since the day he walked. I had a tremendous amount of anger and resentment to work thru there, and admit that still really sits ill with me. im working on that. It made me absolutely furious when she had the temerity to finally send my daughter a birthday card last year (to my mothers house, a deliberate disrespect to me) and said in it "we'd love to see you lets go shopping". OMG, where had she BEEN for the past TWO YEARS?!?? needless to say my daughter ignored it.
Im definitely trying to work on myself bc anger and rage twist the soul... and those people dont deserve that level of suffering from me they arent worth it. Im over the lies they told etc, I just dont care anymore - but admit I feel extremely threatend and resentful over the idea of ANY of them approaching my kids (what right do any of them HAVE, to have them in their lives? they ALL abandoned them.) but this is not my choice and something i have to live with.
overall I guess you could say its like, I am feeling a lot better now, so thats cool, but still have this sensation of an axe hanging over my neck. like, I will have to deal with them, again, in the future, including ex, when I really feel like oh no way not again. there comes a point when apologies or excuses cant be tolerated or even heard and im in that place, and fear beng forced to deal with them when i really dont want to. thas what i resent so much about those people: they feel quite OK rejecting me and pretending I am dead but when THEY are ready, if I dont deal with THEM, they'll point the finger!
i guess what im really asking outright... is it OK for ME to just REFUSE to deal with any of them, even if they try. thats how i feel and thats what i want, but my parents feel quite differently. they feel thats not graceful or right and feel sorry for his mother (i do NOT.) we have argued about this quite a lot. I dont want to ever deal with any of them, its like my parents feel, one day he'll be back apologising and you have to accept it, or they will, and my response is well, apology NOT accepted! is that seriously SO wrong?
When you're down to nothing, God is up to something.
