I know that my W is going to contact me for something. She owes me a check. She'll stop it by the apartment and then linger to talk and catch up. She always does this. My question, for those more experienced, is how do I treat that interaction? I like talking with her, but I get frustrated that it seems like she wants to get her curiosity/security fix from me and then go back to doing whatever it is she does on her own. Do I shut down any talk about personal stuff? Do I just avoid R talk?
Several things: You need to separate everything so that there is no "owing checks". There should be no financial ties to her. Cancel anything that you have together.
If it were me, I'd make plans for when she's coming over. Maybe be gone already...or be going out the door as she brings the check. Say, "hi. Sorry, gotta run." And go. Maybe add in, "it was nice to see you.", but it's got to be like you would say to some casual acquaintance. You don't have to stay and chat. She needs to get the sense you are over her. And then continue to be aloof (but increasingly less so) if she pursues. Always be nice, but don't give the impression you give a damn.
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
