WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 9

[confusedinpa]

I haven't seen any movement in your sitch and I think it is because you haven't tried something different. I don't see you working on the things she is running from. Sure your W has issues but you only control yourself. You can handle it but you have to know how. Go back and read Sandi - there's some of the how.
Cheers

Coach

Thanks for offering your insight and clarity again. I know my density can be very frustrating (just ask my wife).

My wife says she is running because she is tired of being hurt by my neglectful and controlling behavior. I made her feel disrespected and unimportant as a partner in this marriage.
I understand how the things that I did and said made her feel that way. I had forced us into a very family centric type of "lifestyle" where things were not ok if the 4 of us was not together being a family. I understand now that in order to have a healthy relationship, each of us needs to be 100%. This means not just having a relationship with each other as a family, but with friends, community and as an individual.

I've tried to change all that in my 180. I've gone out with friends and didn't get upset when she would want go have her own time (whether with friends or just alone time to get her nails/hair done). Since she moved out, I've continued to work on me when I don't have the kids. I go to church to work on my relationship with God and help me individually. I've also joined a small group at church to develop relationships with the community and new friends. I've volunteered to coach my 7 year old's soccer team. I've reconnected with many of my old friends (most are out of town - closest is 100 miles away) and we chat regular. Part of my getting a life is that I will visit one of them at least once/quarter. I've reconnected with some local friends and I've tried to go out with them once every two weeks. I've continued to go to the gym about twice/week (lost 25 lbs since the bomb). I've also continued my individual counseling to understand myself and my own issues better.

So I have been working on myself. I don't post about it very often as that is not what confuses me.

What does confuse me is my WAW. That's why mostly what I post is about my WAW. I know I've backslid this past 7 days. The call last Friday set off some potential hope that I had all but given up on finding. I know I've gone overboard and appreciate everyone's comments/advice and 2x4's.

I am listening. Thanks