WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 9

[The Wifey]

CIPA,

Don't just read Sandi - read the posts in the WA forum. You really want to help yourself? Read and understand the WHY. Then look deep into the mirror and take 1 step to change.

Work on you, GAL, spend time with your boys. I wouldn't stop the family time, or the talking, but let her do the leading. Its a little like a dance.

One other thing. I cringed when you talked about your "friend." Listen, one of the most dangerous pitfalls is to listen to EVERY opinion and twist in the wind based on the very latest advice or opinion. You need to distance yourself a bit from this friend. She means well, but she is twice divorced. How much help do you really think she will be?

Listen, read and watch. Hang back. Talk less and listen more. Focus on you, focus on being her friend, but do not think there is a magic bullet that puts you through the finish line. This is a long marathon, not a sprint.

Impatience can be worked through. Do it by keeping busy. You will have your down days, but do not let her know. You can be serene, calm, upbeat and a calm port in the storm.

It hurts, but the things that don't kill us make us better and stronger. And, from my read, your W is quoting the WA script and you actually have more to be hopeful for than you know. EVERY interaction can help or hurt. Always work to keep yourself under control. It helps to anticipate & plan for the interactions.

For me, I would actually make a list in writing of things that I could talk about with my H that were not R related. Something interesting I saw, things our mutual friends were up to, what our son did, the weather, fishing, whatever.

H wants to be my friend so I am trying to be the best friend he has.

And, when he isn't around, he really wonders what I've been up to because I am just so content and happy he can't stand it. And man have I been busy. Incidentally, I think I hear the wide mouth bass calling.