FightingFit...you do need counseling. Not sure why you would deny yourself that. The counseling isn't so you can get over him, the counseling is because you have post traumatic stress disorder, and this needs to be treated. This is why you keep having panic attacks and wondering what you'd do if he comes back. Your mind is unfortunatley forcing you to deal with this trauma over and over by asking yourself that question.
You really do need help with PTSD and I can't figure out why in the world you'd say you don't need or want counseling.
What you have been through is horrible and even worse than most stories around here. Please please get help, so that you can get some peace in your mind.
