he is back, i think

[mdoodles]

thanks for your advice.

it is so hard when u are in it.

i dont know that i have anymore in me to give. i guess i could find it, but im so not interested in being miserable, not interested in him living here and going about his business as if his comings and goings are ok.

i heard through our mutual friends that my husband told them the ow dumped him, she finally caught on that she was the other woman. i do not know if they are still speaking.

i dont know how to pull back now because of the store, because of our financial situation.

he treats me terribly and will then tell me to ask my parents for money for the payroll this weekend.

i dont want to help i dont want to give another penny.

i dont know what to do.

[vickyd]

Keep talking about the store and your finances but do some fun activities for your.

Don't give the $$ if you don't want to. I bet a lot of what your going through now is how your R was before your H left. Change things up. Do things differently here. Take back control of the situation.

And try really hard to do things with your child that will make you happy. Start and you may see how much better you'll feel to put it all behind you for a bit. Will rejuvenate you. You need to gas up to keep going. Your H doesn't have the gave right now so go somewhere else and get it so you can keep the journey going. If you know what I mean. Have some fun this weekend without your H. But stop pursuing him for a while.

[mdoodles]

i just dont know that divorce busting has its place right now.

he has decided he isnt working on us. its all bs, its not about me but he is making it about me.

and right now, i dont have the time or the patience or the strength or the money to let this play out.

we are losing our home. i have busted my tush to get us a short sale, to get us into contract, to save his name from the foreclosure.

i busted my tush to get him the store, to get him out of the city where he worked and this is what i get?

i lost everything because of him. my beautiful home, my carefree life, my money, everything.

and im the cause of his problems?

i dont think i can stand for it anymore.

i dont know how to say goodbye but i cant let him do this to me, come and go go and come.

our son is almost 6, i cant set this example for him.

[vickyd]

I hear you. It's hard I know. That's why I think you need to refocus on you right now. You've worked too hard. My H actually did tell me that - I was trying too hard. And he's right. Stop busting your tush. Remember DB is about taking back control of your life and emotional strength.

FYI, personally I think DB has its place in almost every aspect of life. It's not about doing things to keep the marriage its about coping better with your situation. GALing really gets you feeling better and revived. You need a break it sounds like to me.

And especially if he acting like he doesn't want to save the M, then you stop trying for now.

Isn't it funny when we do so much and get so little back. My H lived like a king with me taking care of everything.

Stay strong, you will get through this. Piecing is hard.

[mdoodles]

thank you. its nice to have help from someone that understands completely.

its just that this has gone on for so long, i dont have it in me to suffer through his mood again, how its all about me.

i dont have the time to give to it unfortunately.

i have to figure out where i am moving to, and if he is coming with me or not because that has a factor in my decision.

so while i can get a life, i cant sit on our marriage.

so i feel so torn on what exactly to do.

[vickyd]

Understood. So take care of these things for you. Move to where is good for you. He loves and wants to be with you, he will follow.

So now that we all found each other, you know that its not you all, its an excuse. What's it call - rewriting history. Something like that.

And its never too late to change habits of how you've been engaging with each other... its just harder and takes more work.

[mdoodles]

the worst thing is i cant stop myself from texting him and letting him have it.

today the divorce busting is out the window. i need to stick up for myself, and be heard.

ive decided nothing i do or dont do matters anyway.

my husband needs his own help, he needs to find his happiness within himself. and he may never do that.

[vickyd]

Try to STOP the texting if you can. Do something else. It won't get you anywhere. He'll only focus on you and the argument. DETACH!!!

But, caveat, if you follow my thread you will see that I don't always follow my own medicine. But the other guys here have saved me plenty of times from going down cheeseless tunnels. And boy am I happy later on once I put the brakes on. Good luck and control those emotions.

[mdoodles]

so now he is telling me he is telling his lawyer to move forward on the divorce he started last year. great.

i said we dont even have the funds for the divorce, he thinks all it will cost him is $5,000 and that he isnt responsible for my fees.

i told him im not giving up, that we just started the store and our dream and im not giving up, that its too soon to throw it away.

he tells me its not too soon, its been 3 years. he loves to throw the whole thing back in, how he has been gone on and off and unhappy. yada yada

now what? do i tell my parents, do i let it all out? it will screw up everything with the store now because they arent going to give him another penny.

im in a bad place. and i know it was never about me, regardless of what he says, i know he is taking it all out on me.

but it hurts. im too pretty for this. im too good of a person for this.

but it hurts. i cant go through this again.

[mdoodles]

now he called me. saying he isnt happy, he isnt here even though he is here, we shouldnt drag this on any longer.

that i should have known these last few years and never should have waited.

i was like, u strung me along, do u not remember that?

he was like, dont forget i didnt want to be with u, i filed for divorce.

so i said, yeah, and u did nothing with it.

dont put this on me, i didnt do anything.

i said, u will never be happy, u will never find happiness, u didnt even try here and u said u would, u would focus on us.

i told him how terrible it is that he came home and now our son will see him leave.

i said so call your lawyer. he was like, u call. i said no, u can, u want it, u do it.

i dont like this at all. he is playing with my mind and i cant let him.

i dont want a divorce, never did. is this what happens in piecing?