Newcomer, want to keep my hope alive!

[iwantittowork]

Well, things are not looking good, I have come to the conclusion that the M is over, and there's nothing I can do except:

Drop the rope

I did a little research on the stockdale paradox, and I need to confront the reality that for my W, our M is over, and then try and come out the best I can be.

I can't help but wonder if there is some other R for her out there, for the past 8 months I went to counseling, tried everything I could think of, started db'ing and it was clear she was going to put no effort at all into our M, and just 'see' if the feelings came back.

I look back at our R and wonder how she can so easily dump everything we worked so hard for, but now I see that she never really worked hard for anything we have, and just came along for the ride. That sounds harsh, and that's not my intention, but it was always my drive and will to get new things, the first house, upgrade to the next one, vehicles, doing all the maintenance for all of them, paying all the bills with no help and commuting to a higher paying job to get all this.

I am not saying she never did anything to help, but I think those things may have been no interest to her at all, and it was just my rose colored glasses that 'we' were building something.

The next few months going through a D, I can see is going to be the saddest, hardest thing in my life that I have ever had to deal with. It's been easier to deal with Deaths in the family, as there is some finality there, where I had always held hope that my M could work out.

I don't know what my next steps are, somehow just look at the split up as a business issue, but I am already struggling to keep some kind of perspective that everything I tried to put together is going to be torn apart, and I'll be supporting her new lifestyle financially in some way.

Enough bitter whining and victimizing myself for today, I need to go get some perspective on myself somewhere..

Thanks to all you that have chimed in, I'd still like to hear from you, as your thoughts and insights have kept me going so far, and done a bunch of good for me.