You are so right! I read over that post and my first post and hmmm....actually I am not that desperate! I am 35 years old, am a good person, have amazing friends, have a great family, and totally love my career. Not a life of someone who is desperate. It is never too late. It is my life and it will never be too late!
I went to a conference yesterday and it was amazing, I met this 85 year old woman who was so spunky that I just......was wowed! You really are as old and desperate as YOU think you are! Its in your mind.
I heard a great quote yesterday....."Your mind makes a great servant, but a tyrannical master" and it is true! I cannot tell myself all these derogatory things and let my mind rule me. I will tell it what I am thinking and feeling and do things to consolidate that positivity!
I have been taking alot of time this week......on myself. I don't owe him any explanation and I am angry that he thought he could talk to me in that way. I think PH would have said to just hang up during that lecture! I will keep that in mind next time.
H called yesterday and apologized. I did not pick up or call him back. He called again and I picked up and he said he was sorry about the lecture and making me feel bad and he is sorry. I was surprised....and said "ok, apology accepted. Thanks for calling to apologize. I have gotta run." and hung up. I don't know if that was the right way to behave, but I realized I did not want to speak to him!
I have so much to do and talking to him and thinking about him just takes so much energy out of me.....and anyways, he doesn't want to talk about anything that matters, so why should I have to keep any sort of conversation flowing? Right?
I was thinking of emailing him last night....something to make him see that he has become my father.....but then decided against that even. I don't want to initiate anything. I am not trying to fix him and please don't try to fix me!
