Hi mdoodles, I've been MIA but I've gotten caught up on your sitch. First, I'm going to be brutally honest. I feel like you are where I was when H and I got together on a false reconciliation. Reading your sitch I wonder if your H is going through withdrawal or if it is that he is still in contact with OW at times and is still struggling with the ambivalence. My feeling is telling me that its the second option. I remember you said that he said he was still in contact with her, has he proven that he's broken it off? It could be withdrawal that is depressing him but he has to be strong to go through that and not relapse. Whenever my H was involved with OW he would attack me and make me the bad guy and pull away from me. With all that being said, I don't think that its doomed and you need to create havic with him afterall all this is all speculation until you have proof. Just keep it in mind and see what happens.
But with or without knowing what is going on in his head I'm thinking you may need to do some LRT here and some 180s and stop pursuing him. You know how Michele talk about if you're the relationship fixer, you should do a 180 and stop trying to fix it. I think you're tired, and boy do I know that feeling too well, because you have been working hard to fix things and you're getting no where. I advise that you pull back a bit, stop pursuing him, and do some GALing. Is it possible for you to act as if you and H are still S while still in the home. I mean to say, do some things for you. Take the focus off him and onto you. I know this is hard b/c I remember when my H and I lived together, and I was stressed out my mom would give me the same advice as Michele's but I always said that I can't live that way, but I think now its the right way to go. Things won't always be perfect and happy living with your H but it doesn't have to always be perfect. This may be just a season that you have to pass through. Please stay strong and try your best to weather this storm. How you handle this will determine if your H comes through this or leaves again. Another story, remember what Michele said about dealing with a depressed spouse... when one spouse is always upbeat and working to get the other out of depression, the depressed spouse becomes more depressed or stays depressed. She recommended doing nothing or a total 180 not giving into his depression, I think you need something like this here. The more you pursue your H or try to pull him out of his funk the more he will resist. Back off a bit. Make plans without him, he will turn around and pursue you. Not because he's homes means your work is done.
Boy, if my H does come home, please remind me of this advice. I will need it I know for sure. Because it is hard when your in it. But been there before and didn't handle things too well.
