I am sorry that you are here. From what you have said, I don't think you are over him. I think you have kept yourself stuck in a really bizarre situation for way too long. Have you gotten divorced? Have you seen a counselor?

My ex's affair is hitting the 3 year mark and no he wouldn't be allowed back in if he dug a tunnel up through the floor. The damage is done and there is no going back in his case. Saying that, I know everyone needs their own time and pace to heal but sometimes you need some direction. Get yourself to a counselor and soon as possible. do keep posting because it really does help.

kat

Me-53(and learning!)
S24, S21, D18, D17
Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory