I read only a tiny bit of your early sitch and a couple of posts from your last thread, so I don't know much. But you have GOT to get a decent sex life together, lol. What is going on with that?
The solution is NOT to shut down sexually again.
Hi OT,
Yes, I know. I started not to say anything, b/c I have been down this path before and actually went over to the SSM forum by another poster's very strong pulling. You may have read that when I finally reached what I thought was my sexual "peak", then my H just shut it down and when I would ask about it, I never got an answer from him. I actually think he could not perform b/c the last serveral times we tried to ML, he couldn't. He is on medication that doesn't help in that department and he can't take viagra b/c of the meds he is on. I think what hurt was that he seems to be the type that if he can't have the complete intercourse then he doesn't care to do anything. I have not been able to get a conversation out of him about it. In the past, he blamed me for rejecting him and I think it became his "excuse" and I did not appreciate that. I am not "geared" to be the initiator in sex......I am "built" to be the responder. I have tried a few times, but it didn't work. To just sum it up in a few words......he seems to be comfortable now in this "transition" in our life. I know that my sex hormones are very low b/c I went to a doctor and had it checked. However, there are a lot of other physical things wrong that the doctor is trying to help before he starts on the homones. You may have read what he said about my lab results, that I was a "trainwreck"....and need a lot of help to get back where I need to be. Maybe when I get where I can be.....then I will be more aggressive. In the meantime, I know we appear to be an old couple who doesn't ML any longer. But the R between us is good and frankly, it probably was a good thing that he did not try to have sex with me for a long time after our OM problems b/c I was not ready for that. I have been on different AD's and that seems to have lowered my SD to zero. So, both of us are just not in a horny mood.... As long as it has been, I don't know if he will be able to or not, but I am hoping that when I can get the hormone "levels" back where they need to be that I will do what I need to in order to initiate. This part is really a long story that involves more than what I am telling here and maybe someday when I have time.....I will tell you more (if you want to hear it). I do appreciate you "caring" about it. I really do! I am not ready to live as though we are already in our "autum" years like a pair of very old people. My grandfather was in his early 80's when he began to have trouble performing (I guess that was the problem b/c he was very private and wouldn't talk about things like that) but my grandmother was the one that told about him asking the doctor why he couldn't do like he once did....lol.
But, to sum up what your last statement said about shutting down sexually.......that had a lot to do with my weakness in getting caught up in the Internet stuff. I had taken the blame for being "frigid" for all those years and I thought I was! I prayed and prayed for God to help me, and just as it happened.....my H shut it down! Ironic, huh? So, I was the one that felt very rejected and lonely. I was also fed up with being used as an excuse. It was always my fault no matter how I tried or what I did......it was not good enough. However, I did find out that I was a normal woman--even if it came about the wrong way and with the wrong person. But the minute I broke off with OM, it all went back to zero again.
Anyway, I have to get ready for work, but if you want to know more, I'll post again.
Thanks for being a friend, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
As long as it has been, I don't know if he will be able to or not, but I am hoping that when I can get the hormone "levels" back where they need to be that I will do what I need to in order to initiate. This part is really a long story that involves more than what I am telling here and maybe someday when I have time.....I will tell you more (if you want to hear it). I do appreciate you "caring" about it. I really do! I am not ready to live as though we are already in our "autum" years like a pair of very old people. My grandfather was in his early 80's when he began to have trouble performing (I guess that was the problem b/c he was very private and wouldn't talk about things like that) but my grandmother was the one that told about him asking the doctor why he couldn't do like he once did....lol. 
