Thanks Sandi. There's quite an animated debate going on right now that I'd like to get your ideas on. My W has been withdrawing again over the past couple of weeks. So I was looking for thoughts as to whether or not that's natural or could she be checking someone else out? Very interesting what everyone's posting so far.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Sandi, Can you go talk some sense in Confusedinpa over in Newcomers. He's driving me nuts and I can't quite put my finger on why. It's something about his tone and how he doesn't see his actions influencing his W's behavior. Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I read only a tiny bit of your early sitch and a couple of posts from your last thread, so I don't know much. But you have GOT to get a decent sex life together, lol. What is going on with that?
I'm not sure if you had a chance to go over to my new post, but if not,here's the latest:
This past Saturday we went out to see a movie without the kids for the first time in over a year and while she had a look like she would run away at any time, we had a decent time together. But still a little awkward.
During the lunch, I gave her a belated Mother's Day gift of Mamma Mia tickets for this weekend. I'm planning to take her out to a really nice dinner and the show after. I told her I'm going into the evening with no expectations and that we should just have fun. And she just said okay. So we'll see how that goes.
So I'm planning to take her to a nice dinner, then the show and maybe dessert after. Then home where I am definitely not going to push anything intimate.
After this I'm not going to push anything anymore and just let her be the one to initiate.
I did have a question though. While you were in your WAW mode and not liking your H, did you often mood swing from happy to depressed?
Especially in the past 2 weeks, I've noticed my W going back into her depressed mode and even not wanting to do things with our Ds. I keep thinking that maybe she's thinking of OM and feeling trapped.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I read only a tiny bit of your early sitch and a couple of posts from your last thread, so I don't know much. But you have GOT to get a decent sex life together, lol. What is going on with that?
The solution is NOT to shut down sexually again.
Hi OT,
Yes, I know. I started not to say anything, b/c I have been down this path before and actually went over to the SSM forum by another poster's very strong pulling. You may have read that when I finally reached what I thought was my sexual "peak", then my H just shut it down and when I would ask about it, I never got an answer from him. I actually think he could not perform b/c the last serveral times we tried to ML, he couldn't. He is on medication that doesn't help in that department and he can't take viagra b/c of the meds he is on. I think what hurt was that he seems to be the type that if he can't have the complete intercourse then he doesn't care to do anything. I have not been able to get a conversation out of him about it. In the past, he blamed me for rejecting him and I think it became his "excuse" and I did not appreciate that. I am not "geared" to be the initiator in sex......I am "built" to be the responder. I have tried a few times, but it didn't work. To just sum it up in a few words......he seems to be comfortable now in this "transition" in our life. I know that my sex hormones are very low b/c I went to a doctor and had it checked. However, there are a lot of other physical things wrong that the doctor is trying to help before he starts on the homones. You may have read what he said about my lab results, that I was a "trainwreck"....and need a lot of help to get back where I need to be. Maybe when I get where I can be.....then I will be more aggressive. In the meantime, I know we appear to be an old couple who doesn't ML any longer. But the R between us is good and frankly, it probably was a good thing that he did not try to have sex with me for a long time after our OM problems b/c I was not ready for that. I have been on different AD's and that seems to have lowered my SD to zero. So, both of us are just not in a horny mood.... As long as it has been, I don't know if he will be able to or not, but I am hoping that when I can get the hormone "levels" back where they need to be that I will do what I need to in order to initiate. This part is really a long story that involves more than what I am telling here and maybe someday when I have time.....I will tell you more (if you want to hear it). I do appreciate you "caring" about it. I really do! I am not ready to live as though we are already in our "autum" years like a pair of very old people. My grandfather was in his early 80's when he began to have trouble performing (I guess that was the problem b/c he was very private and wouldn't talk about things like that) but my grandmother was the one that told about him asking the doctor why he couldn't do like he once did....lol.
But, to sum up what your last statement said about shutting down sexually.......that had a lot to do with my weakness in getting caught up in the Internet stuff. I had taken the blame for being "frigid" for all those years and I thought I was! I prayed and prayed for God to help me, and just as it happened.....my H shut it down! Ironic, huh? So, I was the one that felt very rejected and lonely. I was also fed up with being used as an excuse. It was always my fault no matter how I tried or what I did......it was not good enough. However, I did find out that I was a normal woman--even if it came about the wrong way and with the wrong person. But the minute I broke off with OM, it all went back to zero again.
Anyway, I have to get ready for work, but if you want to know more, I'll post again.
Thanks for being a friend, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Hi Coach, I always take it as a very high complement when I am asked to look at another poster's thread. I did go over to his thread last night. Since it was so long, I never found where he first came on board and did not know all the details, but from what I did learn in reading a few of the post, I responded a couple of times to him. The last one was pretty long b/c I broke down what he was actually saying to his wife and trying to show him how he was putting pressure on her and how he was "talking" way too much. It may have ticked him off and won't want me to post anymore, but I'll wait and see. All I can do is try to give him the perspective from a WAW. I need to read more about her and get a better idea there. Didn't quite have her figured out by what he was telling. Of course, just having the one side of the fense to look at....it can be hard at times to see the other side correctly.
Thanks again for your confidence in me and asking me to go visit his thread.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Hey Stuck.....I am very anxious to read what is going on! But, right now I have to get ready for work or I may not have a job...lol. I know better than to open up the board and start checking on some posts, but at times I just feel it pulling at me.
Maybe I'll get a chance during the day, but at any rate.....I will tonight.
Take care, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
This board has been my therapy! I have learned much from others.
Me......a new AmyC? HA! My tongue could never give the lashing that gal could do! I love her for what she did to help me through the fog. I did see a post once in a while, but haven't lately. If she's still here, she is in a different forum. At one time (like some others I know) she got booted off, but then I think she was able to come back. Don't know that she is behaving or not.....lol.
The newbies......yeah, they all get to sounding alike, don't they? Sometimes, I find myself getting a little short and to the point. I hope it isn't impatient. I have had to take a few days off b/c it gets to being too much. Hasn't seem to shorten my posts much, though.....
So, are you back b/c there is trouble in paradise or just to help on the board? I wondered by the way you stated what you did. I'll go look up your thread to see what's going on.
Thanks for coming by. I'll talk to you later. Take care.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
As long as it has been, I don't know if he will be able to or not, but I am hoping that when I can get the hormone "levels" back where they need to be that I will do what I need to in order to initiate. This part is really a long story that involves more than what I am telling here and maybe someday when I have time.....I will tell you more (if you want to hear it). I do appreciate you "caring" about it. I really do! I am not ready to live as though we are already in our "autum" years like a pair of very old people. My grandfather was in his early 80's when he began to have trouble performing (I guess that was the problem b/c he was very private and wouldn't talk about things like that) but my grandmother was the one that told about him asking the doctor why he couldn't do like he once did....lol.