He has been in 10 yrs. We have been married 8...and yes he intends to stay in for 20. I know rights to retirement change at 10 yrs of marriage...but what about med coverage???
Oh, and FYI I was ecstatic about the outcome of American Idol!! I jumped up and down screaming "Woooo Hoooo"...and practically waking my kiddos! It was literally the first REAL happy moment I have had since this whole tailspin of a life started about 2 months ago! I have been in a good (positive) mood ever since! OK...so maybe I DO need to GAL! LOL!
Actually I DID GAL tonight. H picked up the girls from school. He texted me to ask me if D6 was mad at him saying she wouldn't talk to him and wanted only me. I texted him back that I didn't know and that D6 only covers her ears when we talk about him saying "no no no no no". ANd I told him to just tell her he loves her and wait for her to warm up. I told him he could bring them home when I called him since I was going to be out for the night. I went to meet a girlfriend for a drink...and some other friends showed up. It was fun. I ignored 2 texts from him asking me where I was. I just got home awhile ago...the girls were still up and he had been here awhile. He asked me where I was and I told him "out". Then I asked the girls about their day...very happy (and genuinely so. Could have been the sangria but who knows!!!). He asked again who I was out with and I said just Jenna and some other friends and left it at that. He asked if he could take some hangers and a cookie sheet and I said yes. He didn't hang out for long. The girls then told me about their day with him at his new place. They said it was SO small...D8 cried about it and said she didn't want him to make it his home. They said it is SO small with a little kitchen and a little room and he has a mattress on the floor. NICE. Really, this is what he wants??? Unbelieveable. When he has a home and a family...it truly boggles my mind. Has put a damper on my positive attitude...but has made me more and more sure that moving up to my hometown is the right choice.
What were you referring to when you said I was believing what he was saying? The part about him not wanting to "close any doors"??
Yes...I realize that even if he did come back tomorrow (which is CLEARLY not going to happen) I would actually question if he was ready. I would be skeptical. I feel myself entering a new stage. One in which the things that did bother me in the R are coming back into light since they are all of the things that were clouded by my pain. For example. Tonight I heard him yell at one of my kids the way he always does and it made me cringe. He has been "good guy" since this all happened...so the reality of the way he yells sometimes made me feel better that he was about to leave again!! I will go up North to my Mom's tomorrow and try to find a place over the weekend. The thing is...I really love where I live and don't wanna move. UGH!
HA! H just texted me asking me if I went on a date tonight!!!! Wow.. a good 180 tonight if you ask me. I didn't respond! Finally my 180 worked...although I am not getting my hopes up! That feels good though
I was referring to when he said you had done nothing wrong and he didn't blame you for anything; hard to believe he doesn't have a single complaint. However, the point was that words are just words and he could say a whole range of things that are even contradictory. Actions, it is all about actions, us and them.
I am in no place to tell you what to do but what why don't you consider just taking this trip to see mom, breathe and look at what your options are. I'm not sure why if you "love" where you live, you need to go right away. Or, did you mention your lease being up? Not sure. Crazy thing is, this is YOUR life and YOUR time, you can do what you want to do. Intimidating right? But, time to grow up and make those choices. If you can take your time, I would, just to not run with your pants on fire.
Yes, you will see things about him that highlight more of what wasn't working for you in M. At some point, you'll need to look at you and what you want to work on. Right now, I think loving yourself and GAL are the way to do. I am actually trying to stop my introspection/analysis and start living a with a little LESS thinking.
HA! H just texted me asking me if I went on a date tonight!!!! Wow.. a good 180 tonight if you ask me. I didn't respond! Finally my 180 worked...although I am not getting my hopes up! That feels good though
Word to the wise, keep doing EXACTLY what you are doing. Do not cave. Trust me.
Oh and with regard to your other post about your daughters, I am again just giving my take. Can you try to stop telling him what to say or do with them? This may be a theme and I know that I did it too but since separating, I really take the position that H needs to figure it out. AND, I can't fix that for him. It is part of processing the ramifications of his actions and he needs to have his own R with the kids. You are VERY lucky they will even express their feelings with him. My boys will only tell me which creates a bit of a quagmire. Also, I'd venture to guess homeslice doesn't know what he wants or have the presence of mind to size up his condition yet...give it time.
Anyway, I'm actually feeling good. If I focus on just taking care of what is in front of me, I can handle this. You're doing great!
Well...I agree about the actions. And I know that he must have some complaints or he wouldn't have left me...right? I appreciate your point that I don't need to make any rash decisions. I love the area that I live not necessarily the house...and the lease is up July 1st. I got a text from him tonight that said: "I wish you were willing to stay...very sad you have made up your mind about leaving. I feel so helpless. Please don't take my girls away. I'm very sad."
I didn't respond...I feel like saying back well a-hole...YOU made the decision to leave them...and I am sure they feel even more helpless and sad. YOU don't want to keep your family together...and YOU have to f-ing DEAL with it. But I won't. At least until I make my final decision...I can't even believe it. For a secong I thought that he was thinking about me (the date question) and now I feel it is all about the kids. DANG! I wonder if he thought about how helpless we feel looking around the house now that he has taken all his [censored] to his new place!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wow...never stopping to think about anyone but himself. Anyway...just venting. I agree that the analysis is exhausting. It is nearly impossible to do. I wish you luck!!!
Your move needs to have NOTHING to do with him as far as I'm concerned. Live where you want to live. Don't move to make him pay and don't stay in the hopes of getting back together. Where do you want to live? Take your time.
I really wish I had listened to the advice given to me over and over. No mind-reading. You do not have a clue as to what he is thinking right now (well, we know he's wondering what you're up to). Other than that, you're dealing with someone who made a decision and is having to deal with it and who knows what feelings that is eliciting. Probably all over the place. Let him spin, you stay centered...isn't giving advice fun? LOL.
No caving here! I guess I didn't really think about it that way as far as "helping" him with the kids. You are right he needs to process the ramifications...I was thinking that I was being "upbeat" and taking that route. Thanks. I definately take the brunt of the explaining...I guess it is good that he gets to take it on too...even if it is much less intense.
P.S. Sadly, I had to google the word quagmire...it is my new favorite word! My goal for tomorrow...insert "quagmire" into conversation any chance I get!!! lol!
Oh, with regard to your kids, please just consider what I was saying but you know your kids and your sitch better than I do (duh)...just observing that he seems to look for you to tell him what to do with them and he's going to have to grow up. Some people might appreciate and enjoy having that authority in this kind of sitch but IMO it is unhealthy and unrealistic. Single dads have to manage their own relationships with kids (probably better for married dads too; that's a clue btw).
