Thanks Marvelous Lady! Many prayers were said by me tonight, trust me...
YQW!! You and the kids are always in my prayers
Quote:
Nutshell version--Ol' Mikey wins the door prize.
Oh Great! Now he will be incorrigible!
Quote:
"If I was sure I was making the right decision I would have already filed and moved on and been done with it..."
The final comment on his part was, that he asked me not to file until he talked to our Pastor. Not to talk to the kids about the situation until he talked to our Pastor. He said he couldn't promise anything but wanted to talk to him before anything else happened...
PLEASE tell me that you gave him a deadline on this--he could end up "talking" to the Pastor all summer, without ever going in to see him.
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
It was said like a one-time thing, not repeat visits. I pointed out that the Pastor and his wife are leaving Sunday after church for a week's vacation. Dan said he would take care of it, he would talk to him, for me not to hound him about it.
I give him until we go to Disney, which is 2 weeks from today. So he has the next 3 days until Pastor goes on vacation, and then 3 days once Pastor gets back, before we leave on our vacation. No, I didn't tell him I had a deadline. But again, if he wants it to happen he will make it happen.
Let me get this straight, you said you will file immediately and he said "hold on, let's talk to the pastor first"? How could one talk with the pastor give him the answers he is been looking for for for years now? I hope your pastor can make a difference. In the meantime, once more that you showed determined to go ahead with the D he found a way to delay you. He is pushing his luck here.... K
Couldn't agree with Kalni more. He is buying time and I bet (based on my own H) that he will not make the effort needed to talk to your Pastor in the next three days. That is all the time I would give him AND I would not ask him about it. Not once. If he had not come to me and told me by Sunday evening that he talked to Pastor and THIS is what is going to change on his part to repair the damage done... then Monday morning I would file. and for heavens sake I would not tell him about my plans. He hs been told... if any of this is important to him he will make sure it happens.
disclaimer: this is not advice. This is what I would do.
Me 54 DS19 and DS17 Married 06/1989 Divorced 01/2011
BBJ you need to be "acting" based on what is good for you and your kids, not "re-acting" to what Dan says. At this point his words mean nothing. His actions are what will count.
Gosh I hope I can head my own advice...
Me 54 DS19 and DS17 Married 06/1989 Divorced 01/2011
You never know what the Pastor talk might accomplish. In the Fireproof movie, there was one particular talk with his father that really made a lasting change for Caleb.
He is looking for some guidance. He said that he does want it to work but he has no clue how to make it work. How to stop it from happening since it has happened before.
He said he knows the Pastor will probably just tell him "She is your wife, you need to accept her as she is." I said you never know what he will say till he says it...
I really think he is looking for some hope. And since I have already spent 90 minutes with the pastor (and Dan knows that), the pastor already knows our situation, so Dan can't try to sugarcoat it. He knows Dan has cheated and has a porn habit. He knows that I am committed to forgiving/moving forward/staying married. We have a really smart Pastor, he is funny too and very 'real', that is why Dan and I like him. He doesn't stand up front and shake his fist at the congregation, but he doesn't tell us that life is just sunshine and roses once you become a Christian, either. He is very honest and up-front.
So that is my long-winded way of saying that it may not just wind up being one talk, but they have to start somewhere. I think talking to him will help Dan figure out what he wants to do one way or the other.
Kerry, I wouldn't say it is a big hurry to file. He has been checked out of our marriage for over two years now. He first slept with ow in May 2007, and was moving away from me earlier than that. He just isn't responding to setting a schedule for the kids or even doing this separation thing like a real separation so I decided filing would make it more concrete and help me enforce the boundaries. I told him last night, "Divorcing couples do not have dinner together 3 nights a week, go on vacation together, go to the movies together. That is what married couples do." So he knows I intend for all of that stuff to stop.
Ultimately, yes it would be great to have the kind of relationship (like Bruce Willis/Demi Moore) where you can get together as a family and get along. But they only do that a handful of times a year, not a handful of times a week...
So it looks like the Pastor is the last man standing between filing and trying to reconcile. That sure is alot of pressure on one man...regardless of how good or funny he is. I have said in the past that I am not religious or at least I do not practice. You see, I have a very different idea of religion and Gods and it has nothing to do with the place of worship. I believe in the goodness that we all have inside. That is my religion.....personally I do not believe that a book, a sermon or talk with the Pope would alter significantly who I am inside. I probably pissed a few people off already.....however, I guess what I am trying to say here BBJ, is that if you think Dan is a good person...if he has that goodness in him, than keep fighting for your marriage. I have a hunch (from what you described during the last year or so) that Dan has deep rooted problems that will follow him for a while. I just hope he gets the help he needs to become the good husband and father that you and your kids deserve....
Many prayers were said by me tonight, trust me...