WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 9

[confusedinpa]

She just called saying that she was done with my 7 year old at the doctors. They put a cast on his arm which will stay on for 3 weeks.

She gave me the details of what the doctor said/suggested. Then I said that I wasn't sure what she had planned for the day, but she could just bring my son to my work. She said that she was planning on taking him to get a milkshake and wasn't planning on going back to work.

I said that I was thinking that if she dropped him off, I would pick up my youngest and try to get to the carnival that was starting up today. I didn't invite her, but wasn't sure if I should have. I'm just second guessing it as that is one of her pet peeves. That she didn't think that I include her in stuff, and inviting her was an after thought.

She did sound surprised when I said that she could just drop him off at my work.

Well, she sent me a picture of my son and his cast at the ice cream place. I called her to thank her for the picture as well as her help in taking care of it today. I did mention to her that she was welcome to join us for the carnival if she wanted to, but didn't want her to feel pressure to.

She said that she would think about it, but said that she was having pretty bad cramps today. I just said ok and I'll talk to her later then.

Oh well....

When she dropped him off with me at work, she said that she had mentioned to our 7 year old about the carnival and said that she was invited as well.

She said he had asked her if she was going to come as he wanted her to. She said she told him that she would think about it.

So she asked me to call her when I was going to go to the carnival.

After I picked up my 3 year old, we went home to change. We went to the baseball field first as my 3 year old wanted to do some hitting (I brought a kickball for my 7 year old to kick so he wouldn't feel left out).

I called my wife to tell her that we were at the ball field and that we were going to go at 6. I said she could either meet at our house so we could go over together or she could meet us there. I must have caught her at a really bad moment as she started stressing about just wanting to do what she wanted to do and not feel like she has to do what's expected. I said that she should do what she wants to do and not come just because she thought we expected her to. She then said that she didn't want to do family stuff together. I said then she shouldn't come if that's how she felt. She then said that I wasn't listening to her. She was really agitated. I told her, very calmly, that she was welcome to come if she wanted to come, but I don't want her to come if she is doesn't want or will be resentful of it. I said I know the boys and I will have fun if she came and we will have fun if she didn't. She got agitated to the point where she couldn't speak and said that she would call me back in 5 minutes.

I then told the boys that mommy still wasn't feeling well so she most likely won't be able to come with us. My 7 year old looked really disappointed but he didn't cry. I told him that we will still have fun. I don't think he really believed me.

As we were gettting ready to leave the ball field, my wife still hadn't called so I called her (I know - WRONG MOVE!!!). She answered and said she was just about to call me. I thought yeah right, but just said that we were about to head out and wanted to know what she was doing so I could tell the boys. She started by saying that she just wants to do what will make the boys happy. She said she was just trying to make it easiest for the boys during this interim period. I wanted to ask her what she meant by interim period. Instead, I wound up saying that I don't think she was really ready to do what would make them happy (implying coming back home) and feel that giving them false hope just adds to the hurt.

She then got agitated again as she said that she was about to say that she was going to go with us but is confused now as it sounded like I didn't want her to come. I then said, very calmly that I would love for her to come if she wanted to come, but not if she was coming just to appease me or the boys. I said either way, we will be going and enjoying ourselves. She then said that she just had a really bad week and really bad day and her cramps were really bothering her. She said that she would come and would meet us at the house so we could go together. I said that sounded good and I will see her at home.

When we got to the house, I let the boys ride their ride on toys around the yard as I shot some hoops waiting for my wife to show up.

She showed up, I put on my best positive attitude and smiled "Hi. You look great. Are you ready to go?"

She grumbled about feeling fat and grumpy. I just said I'm really sorry to hear that but this is the nicest nite we've had in a while so it should be a good time.

We drove over and as we walked to carnival, I asked if she wanted to eat first. She said she did so we went to the food area. We got our food and ate. I continued to stay upbeat and talk about positives. She tried to complain about some things, i.e. the onions and peppers on the sandwich was mushy and overcooked, but I tried to twist it into positives , i.e. this is pretty good for carnival food.

We were sitting in the shade so then she started to complain about getting cold. I almost said you are kidding right because it was in the mid 70's. I then rubbed her upper arm and she actually had goosebumps. I said holly cow, you are cold! I rubbed her arm a little to warm her up. She almost smiled.

We then went to get tickets for the rides. Normally I don't get the all you can ride deal as I didn't think we would get our money's worth, but she suggested that it may be a good idea. I just asked how much it was ($15/kid). I figured, what the heck, the most I would be out is $5 or $10 if it played out as expected. We went on three rides before my 3 year got to the point he was too scared to try anything else. Then my 7 year old said he didn't want to ride if his brother wasn't going to as he wanted to stay with him. I almost said WTF, but just kept walking through the carnival.

We finally found something they both liked and we stayed there as they kept riding it over and over again. After several times, my wife said that she thought that this was the break even point. I just shrugged and said - "Good call hun. It looks like the boys are having a blast and it's a really nice nite". I then asked if she wanted funnel cake or birch beer. She said birch beer. I picked one up for her and funnel cake for the boys. After a bit, I asked her about pretzels. She said that should go get them. So I said that the boys and I would have 2 so off she went to get pretzels.

Towards the end of the nite, she said that she was getting cold again. I touched her upper arm (she was wearing short sleeves) and she had goosebumps again. I stood behind her as I rubbed both her arms to warm her up . I then massaged her shoulders lightly and remarked how tense they felt. She said she was tense. I stopped and asked her if this was too much and making her tense. She said no so I did it for a few more minutes before the kids ran up to get some more pretzels and drink from us.

When it was time to go, we walked closely and I pulled her close and just kissed the side of her head saying I was glad she came. She didn't say anything.

I kept up my positive, upbeat attitude right up the point we got home. I shut off the car, just as she said I should leave it on. She then just said that since it's off, she will come in to go to the bathroom. I just smiled and said sure.

After she went to the bathroom, she gave the boys hugs and kiss. I wanted to give her a hug goodbye, but could sense that wasn't what she wanted so I just say goodnite and get home safe and I would talk to her later.

So it started out rough, but I don't think it went too bad.

Any thoughts/comments?